Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
After all this turmoil, my ex sent me a series of apologetic texts. Last night & this morning. From the sounds of it, he's not trying to get me back but has realized what he lost. I don't know how to respond. Somehow I still love him enough to not want him to go through that pain even though he dumped me and put me through tremendous pain. Yet he doesnt love me & has watched me at my lowest while belittling me. Its been a bad breakup and he made it hurt a lot more. The last thing I said to him was "I regret knowing you"...which I didn't mean but at the time I was extremely hurt by how cold he was to me. I know that's what prompted him to think about the way he has treated me but I didn't mean it & want to let him know that. As much as this hurts, I couldn't truly regret the time spent with him. It was a good 2 years. I planned on forgiving him in the future after I heal but as of now I think it's too soon.
For now, should I let it sit & not respond for a week? Longer? Let it sink in now that he finally feels remorse?
For now, should I let it sit & not respond for a week? Longer? Let it sink in now that he finally feels remorse?
I got this sage advice from a friend: Think a kind thought about him, in your mind wish him well, say a prayer for him, and don't respond.
I'll be praying for you as you make your decision.
Your focus right now has to be on you - on how you feel, and what you need. He made the decision to break up, and in doing so he relieved your of any responsibility for his needs or feelings. He wants to feel less guilty about his actions. But you're not there to make him feel better about something that's hurt you. You're primary focus is in regaining your happiness and self-confidence.
You can forgive and forget down the road, if that's what you want to do. But right now isn't the time for you to concern yourself with talking when he feels like it, or making him feel better. You should maintain your No Contact, and you can talk about his texts once you are more healed. I know there's that fear that if you close off, he'll just disappear - but honestly, if he's less willing to talk a few months later and give you your space while you deal with this, he isn't worth your time to begin with.
Do you have children together? If not you should go No Contact. You should have the ability to block him on your phone so you don't have to be bothered with his texts. If you do have children unfortunately you won't be able to go complete No Contact but keep the contact to discussions about the children only.
The others here have provided good advice/insight as well.
Don't worry about forgiving him in the future...work on you and forgiving yourself.
Hugs to you!
Do yourself a favor and don't reply at all.
Focus on getting over the break up. Sorry for your pain, it will lessen in time.
Wishing you peace
At this point you owe him nothing and you owe yourself everything. His feelings are a non-issue, do what is best for you but make sure it's what's best long term, not what might make you feel better now but hurt later.
They know when to say it, they know how to say it, and they know what you want to hear for them to come back home..
Stay strong as I am battling my own advise..
Sometimes, people don't actually have ulterior motives and say what they mean.