I did it because I have 4 children all girls. It was so important to me that they saw their mother taking charge of a situation that was handed to her. I want them to know they have worth and never to accept betrayal as a way of life, or think that's it's ok to accept and live that way.

They saw me cry, they heard me mad, they witnessed by withdrawing into myself for a time....in short they saw my suffering. Now they see 'not taking any shit' mom. I want them to learn from my example.

I saying that though....I too want to find a local church, volunteer at the local shelter or a food pantry. I want to find friends in my area. I've pull all those things on hold for awhile. But, now I'm ready. I joined meet ups last night. Signed up for a group that schedules monthly dinners out. One that offers monthly outings like camping or the theater, a huge variety of stuff. The third one was a group of lady's about my age also looking to make new friendship. Will I stick with them all??
Unlikely:) But, I finally feel I'm moving forward again.

So....that's what motivated me. I think you are right though, getting out and doing some of those things would probably move things along for you as well.

Hugs!
Deb

For me, I rewarded every little thing I accomplished. If all I did was a load of laundry, good. At least I did something. Eventually, I found that the more busy I was, the less I obsessed and thought about things I can't control. It was then that I embraced the whole 'rolling stone' thing and tried to be as busy as I could be. I still have days where I need to be in my own misery but they happen much less now.

Keep the faith, go easy on yourself and know that we are here, pulling for you every day:)

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

What Debra and Blueknight said is very true. I know I don't feel like showering, or doing laundry, or cleaning, or smiling, or playing with the boys or acting ok, but I do it bc I need to. I make myself do it, and by the end of the day, I feel better because I got something done. Its like moving underwater, you may not be quick, or do a great job, but atleast you are making the effort. And having kids, boy, thatll keep you going for sure. No chance to stay down for long, and sometimes I want to swat them away like "Cant you see mommy wants to be sad right now?" LOL. But I see the sadness in them, and the withdrawl, and I know I need to make myself give tothem, even when I feel like there is nothing left in me to give. Some days I do good, some days I suck, but I guess they even eachother out. I really liked going to a Divorce Care weekend seminar, and I am going to a seminar next month about healthy relationships. I am excited. One of the few things I can look forward to besides a bath or pee time where no one needs me. Debra, 4 girls, you are my hero. What an amazing woman you are. I think you set a great example for your girls. ALD, hang in there hun. You don't stay dumped on forever, feeling like this, gradually the you that you and your children love will peak through, and what a joy to hear yourself laugh when you haven't in so long. Or to realize you smiled and meant it. I hope you find an awesome church, and I commend you for giving when you are hurting. What an awesome friend you would make. Blessings and love. XXXXXXX

Thanks Blondie....they are all mostly grown now, two already married with children. My youngest are 17 and 14. It's just important that they all know you don't have to accept anything less than love, honestly, value and commitment from a partner. They don't know of all the times I forgave his other infidelities....probably never will. I often wonder if they wouldn't have been the ones to find out first about this affair would I have forgiven him yet again.....

I'm blessed I'll never know;) I'm blessed by the chance they gave me to have a better life. I'm just blessed!

Shoulda proof read that post last night....lol, hope everyone can decipher it.

Hugs!
Deb

"How do you find the strength to move forward?"

You force it, until it becomes second nature.

I'm not a social person by nature, and I had to force myself to get out there and meet people. Granted, once I am in a social situation I'm okay, it's the getting there that is the problem.

Its so strange to see all the commonality between us.

Personally I love work days, keeps me busy and I'm tired at the end of the day. I still don't sleep well but that could be many things, I too have lost weight with little or no exercise (that ones a bonus.. haha). But getting through the days off is tough unless I have a goal for that day, trouble is the goals sometimes aren't enough to fill the time. Guess I'll need more goals...

I still have to spend time with my STBX occasionally trying to prepare our previous family home for sale, I do not enjoy those days, I feel anxious, don't sleep the night before and cry sometimes for no reason... guess I am not coping as well as I think. When I try to identify what feelings I am feeling its a jumble of many... sad, disgusted, angry, numb, pressured, lonely, mad. I don't like these days.

I am supposed to meet him sometime today to prepare the place.. but I feel like blowing it off, I hate being around him not because I hate him.. which I sort of do...its because when I see him it makes me frustrated that he hasn't changed his mind. This all seems so ridiculous... guess I am still in denial.

Thank you all for the comments/suggestions.
I just have to find the strength inside of me to finally move forward. I am still so stuck in the past. I have spent the last three days doing nothing but thinking about the last year of my life and was he with her when he said he was "here"...and was he thinking of her when we were together...and what all did he say to her that I had confided in him. I am torturing myself about things I will never know...that I will never have answers to. And why do the answers even matter...it wouldn't change anything! My daily goals were small today (take a shower, brush my teeth, put on pants that don't have an elastic waist) . Who would have ever thought that these things would be a huge struggle to me. Well... I did accomplish 2 out of 3 at least!

I understand....I am finding so hard to do even the simplest daily tasks.
I made myself do the dishes and feel I accomplished something
keep at it...one task and see it as an achievement .....gradually you will be able to do more each day
But don't put too much pressure on yourself
You are not well...and need to get through this process

Prioritize ....little...simple things
baby steps and believe it will get better in time
So long as you are getting all the right kinds of support
Hugs to you

For me its more of a frustration in not knowing how to get it kick started because your mind creates all these obstacles and so I look at it like a challenge. I fee defeated in moments and fall down ...cry ....pick myself up and move towards the next hurdle. the power is in knowing once you get started....what's going to stop you? I am not very social. I enjoy being around people but mostly to listen and observe and I think the idea is to have your focal point and what steps it will take to reach it. meeting people? its a challenge.....if you want to meet friends I would join some kind of group that has a particular interest for you if possible or create one and invite people. how do you find strength...I don't know about you but I hate failing...I find my strength in this alone....I'm just determined not to fail to achieve what I have been longing to for a long time. so I would say....get some inspiration and roll with it and see where it takes you.....your happiness really is within you...you just have to stroke it's ego.