Brittany,

Im not going to say your pain isnt justified. It is and after 18 years, you are going to have pain. The crying and heart ache is going to happen. Its a normal part of what you are struggling in now. However... You are going to therapy and the gym. That tells me 2 very critical things about you. First, you are determined to survive and recovery from this. That healing is something you want. Keep that determination. It shows you are strong even in the middle of the tears and when you may not see it yourself. Second, it tells me you are proactive. Being proactive is huge in surviving and rebuild from all of this. Proactive gives hope and possibilities to a happier future. Stay proactive. Continue as you are with therapy, gym, being proactive. You are fighting for your life, yourself, and your kids. Dont stop fighting. I seen where you are from. I use to live there years ago. I know the area. There are some relaxing places out there so enjoy also what your area has to offer just to relax and refresh yourself. Best to you.

Therapy is great and I recommend you continue to attend. Sounds like this happened recently? Therapy or attending the gym won't keep your from crying - so please don't feel like you are supposed to just get over this and act like life is peachy. When someone leaves us - regardless of the circumstances - we will be heart broken and hurt for a while, especially if we had hopes, if we didn't want the break up which sounds like is your case.

I would recommend that you do not try to convince him to come back or that you try to compete w/the other woman - sometimes we go into a competitive mode when we know they are seeing someone else and in my opinion that will only hurt you more.

In my opinion when people decide they no longer want us all we can do is let them go and wish them well. There are tons of things we won't understand - there will be tons of questions but the sooner you just accept things for what they are, the sooner you will begin to feel better.

Best wishes!

It is very recent, about 3 weeks. I have not tried to convince him to work it out since he told me he met someone. We realy don't speak, unless its about our kids. He invited me and the kids to go to the shooting range with him last weekend, and I have been a mess ever since. I knew i should not have went, but my heart felt like maby it was him reaching out to me. And i haven't heard from him since... I know this is going to take time, but I writing this at work, and work was always a safe place for me, and now i can't even concentrate on being here...

Losing a 18 year marriage will make anyone lose their concentration at work. I was reading the other day how people get FMLA or time off for illnesses that are obvious or when someone passes away, but few can just take time off to deal with a breakup, yet is one of the most traumatic experiences and can make us sick if we don't take care of ourselves.

Try your best to accept the situation and do not attend any outings with him - is not good for you right now. You need time to process the situation.

Hang in there.

Well after 18 years you are supposed to cry, and that's perfectly ok.

After 15 years, I cried for almost three months every day. Then I cried in the shower or car every day.

What my advise is is don't try and stop it.

My therapist at one point asked me if I had laid on the bathroom floor and cried for three days yet. I thought she was crazy.

But then I did that. I spent 48 hours laying on the bedroom floor, cried, yelled, threw things. And you know what it really helped.

Let it out, whatever you are feeling. You can try to keep it in but it will find its way out

I cry all the time. My close friends told me not to go on the outing, but I did, and totaly regret it. Our daughter plays travel soccer, so I know he will be there and I am worried about how I am going to handle seeing him. I lost both my parents in the last 2 years, and I will say that this is far worse to me than losing them. I fell so rejected, depressed, lonley, and knowing he feels great and has moved on and not looked back is devestating.....

It is devestating, and for a while it takes over. It took 18 years of marriage and however long you dated to get to where you are.

This will not be something you just get over, no one here can give you an easy answer to how to let go.

Letting go takes time, some say a year for every 5 years of marriage.

what matters is how you deal with. Take the time to grieve, get mad, cry, etc.

Find a therapist, friends aern't alway the best because they don't really get it. And franky you probably don't really get it either, this is in ways the hardest thing you may every go through

The good thing is that it will get better. In a day or week or maybe a couple of weeks. You won't cry all day, just maybe half the day. Then it will slowly get farther apart.

But this will take a long time to get over.

Thank You... I have started to see a therapist, but really to soon to make any dent. I am so aware of the long journey ahead of me. What bothers me is this is my daughters last year in high school, and I don't want her affected by this, and my emotional state is so bad rightnow.

Let me tell you from experience that you can't hide it from the kids.

Your daughter needs to know what your going through. Let her see you cry, let her see you staring off into space. Let her see the house work stop, eat grilled cheese for a week etc. let her experience to some degree what you feel.

then let her see you not cry so much, let her see you begin to heal. Let her see you start to cook again

She will see you can be heart broken but can heal with time. What a sad but great lesson to learn at a young age.

Yes it is, I agree. I have always been very strong in front of her, and her dad is totally ok with everything, I don't want her to think I am crazy....

I understand what you are going through. I kept hope for about 2 months that my husband would want to come home after our separation. Those two months were really difficult and I cried a lot however, nothing comes close to what I felt and how much I cried when I finally accepted that it was over (we were together for 14 years married 7). I cried and cried and cried. I literally don't think I stopped for days at one point and I'm not talking just weepy, full on sobbing. I thought I might die or at least I wished that I would.
I am just now starting to really feel better over the last few weeks. I haven't cried in 3 days! Funny you mention the gun range. My husband is trying to get me to go to the range to show me how to use our gun for protection since my daughter and I are living alone.
I've been hesitant (mainly because I dislike guns) but now I think I'll have to decline his invite ;)

Like everyone says, time and really owning your feelings is really all that will heal your hurt. Hang in there. Keep up with the therapist and the gym. That is awesome and will help you make progress.

We have been seperated fro 3 years, but you are right. When I finally realized it was over, The bottom fell out of me. I cry, and cry, and cry........ Sobbing. My therapist says I am cleansing myself with all these tears. I am so happy I found this site. To know I am not alone in this is comforting.

I have been married for almost 27 years and I did all my crying during the marriage that seems to be falling apart and unraveling over and over again. I joined daily strength in 2007 because I was sure my marriage was over, I stayed and tried over and over- and I've cried all my tears for him- there's nothing left- and I spent 7 years wondering if I could make it work and my health fell apart and I got really depressed and sick and lost jobs and nearly my sanity- waiting and wondering. He's doing you a favor by calling it quits now- there was nothing you could do to save things- it's not your fault and I think it'd be a blessing to be left by my husband instead of spending years agonizing over trying to make it work and hoping and wishing and trying for nothing. My husband has broken me- and he's not some abusive cheater, he's just a selfish, damaged, emotionally unavailable pessimistic person and he's taken an eternally optimistic cheerful sparkling girl and turned her into a ugly old rock. You've got a chance now to feel freedom and independence and a new life to look forward to. We will all mourn the family life we could've had no matter what tools our ex spouses did- but don't mourn losing him. If he could leave like that whatever hope you had for the two of you as a couple wasn't going to be anyway. It could be worse- you could be like me spending years trying to see if it'll work and then ending up knowing it wouldn't and you wasted time, looks, tears, health and sanity! I hope you can find a way to think about it differently so that you can create a different reality for yourself!

Wow... That was great hearing your story.. I never really looked at it that way... Thank You

I was married for 23 years to the man that i thought i knew better than anyone else. Boy was i wrong. He started "talking" to a woman that he works with a couple of years ago and i had no idea what was going on until it was too late. When i found out and confronted him he looked at me with no emotion and told me that he didnt think that he loved me anymore and wanted a divorce. He moved into an upstairs bedroom and carried on under my nose for 2 months. When i finally had the money and strength to leave him he begged me to stay and work on things. He couldnt let her go. No matter how hard i cried or begged he didnt care what i was going thru. It has been 3 months since i left him. He showed up several times crying missing me and the kids but it always ended up the same. The only way to start to heal is to accept what cannot be changed. No contact has helped and yesterday when he finally gave me his version of fair dissolution papers i unloaded everything i was feeling at him. It made me feel much better. No contact is a great healer.