Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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rose3 04/10/2017

Hi everyone,

First off, I want to say I was temporarily posting as attnrose for a bit (since Christmas) as I couldn't get into my profile, for those of you that have been lending your support to my relationship concerns there (thank you) and/or may want more background.

I've been with someone for 9 months...not a lot of time, I know. And there have been many concerns and conflicts since day one - literally. Anyhow, in spite of the conflicts and a few breakups, it seemed he was actually one in few people that I've seen or heard of that actually seems to try and change and grow. He's an ambitious person and very goal oriented, however, not good at relationships, of any kind really. He doesn't have much patience for communication, and insults or gets nasty at times (sometimes he tries to be constructive) when I express a concern I may have. I'll give you today's example:

Yesterday morning I texted him about a scary incident I had with my eye, where I awoke at 1am with it watering and also couldn't see properly out of it even when it stopped watering...felt partially blind. An awful experience, which led me to believe I might have to go to the hospital the next day, but thankfully it's okay and I think turned out to be that I may have grazed it near the pupil area or something like that and caused a scratch etc (will see the doctor to confirm). He didn't respond back at all the rest of the day or night. This morning there was a text saying goodmorning and asking how my eye is. And when I said to him that I didn't understand why no response yesterday, it turned into an attack on me being up and down and insults.

At times I've wondered why I'm even in this relationship with this guy, and have left it at times, but get sucked back in, believing things will change (same old story many have heard, I know). The hook for me has been that it does change somewhat and I get hopeful...until I communicate about anything I don't like...and the same negative blaming and insulting scenario ensues...the one where I'm at fault.

Anyhow, I'd like to make a decision with the person and stick to it. I've tried to make it work with him, but clearly it isn't. But I know the chances are that he'll contact me again...and I'll get sucked in again. How do I stay away and not get sucked in?? Any advice is welcome. Thanks.

mirandac 04/10/2017

Easy go total no contact, block him on all social media and
On Your phone. He is not into a healthy relationship and you
are Wasting your time with someone like that, HUGS

broken234 04/10/2017

I have to agree. My ex was always into change for the better but flew off the handle a lot. That never changed. You deserve better. This a is warning sign that shouldn't be ignored.

nik2017 04/10/2017

I was in a relationship with someone two years ago. I have anxiety and depression and everytime I had my episodes he used to insult me. Call me weak. Say I'm hiding stuff from him. I soon started picking moments I'd share with him, and which I wouldn't.

Similarly to your situation yesterday, I once text him around 2am saying I was feeling anxious and needed to hear his voice. He ignored me for two days and when I questioned him he said "if you really needed me you should have text or called again". They have a habit of turning things around on you. They get defensive and block off all reasoning. It's a means of control. So we stop sharing our troubles and only approach them with things they rather hear. But this should be a two way relationship.

I hope you walk away. I know it takes a lot to do so. Unfortunately I waited until I couldn't take it anymore and just took his abuse for months. But soon you feel an awakening and you just walk away. For me, I just fell out of love. I couldn't think about a future with him. Imagine if I had a child and needed help?

Nobody will be able to take of you, apart from yourself. Think about you and you only.

rose3 04/10/2017

Thanks everyone. This may sound dumb (and I'm actually a smart person lol) but I've tried blocking him on my phone before, but it just prevents him from leaving messages when he calls, and he can still text. I'll have to figure that out.

And nik2017...I did breakup today. Just want to keep it that way this time. And your situation sounds very similar...makes sense about blocking what he doesn't want to hear...seems he only wants the good stuff and that's it. He has no patience for anything else at all.

Anyways, I have to figure out how to block him altogether on my phone.

Thanks everyone.

bunnymblume 04/10/2017

Sorry that you keep on getting pulled back into a relationship that makes you feel disrespected. Texting and emailing has really taken over on communication, and I think that a lot of relationships suffer. Does he understand that this just isn't going to go any further and that you want him to stop contacting you? As you've broken up before but then "give in" and go back, he might assume that is going to happen yet again. I'm not sure what kind of phone you have, but a quick google will most likely give you the answer on how to block all contact. I hope that you can keep yourself busy over the next few months, and find people who lift you up rather than tear you down! Hope that you can communicate your desires to end it with him in a real conversation. Good Luck!

rose3 04/10/2017

Hi Bunnymblume, Yes I've made it clear at the times of breaking up and have meant it at the time, and he has seemed to want it sometimes too in anger, but then he pursues afterward, acknowledging things and talking about how things will change etc (an old song, I know). At times I've ignored it, but at some point go back, which yes, he probably assumes will happen, given our pattern, and the pattern of his last two relationships (I'm not sure what his marriage before those two was like in terms of stability, but heard him say that his wife referred to it as toxic to him).

I like your idea about Googling about my phone and will do that.

Thanks.

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