First off, I want to say I was temporarily posting as attnrose for a bit (since Christmas) as I couldn't get into my profile, for those of you that have been lending your support to my relationship concerns there (thank you) and/or may want more background.
I've been with someone for 9 months...not a lot of time, I know. And there have been many concerns and conflicts since day one - literally. Anyhow, in spite of the conflicts and a few breakups, it seemed he was actually one in few people that I've seen or heard of that actually seems to try and change and grow. He's an ambitious person and very goal oriented, however, not good at relationships, of any kind really. He doesn't have much patience for communication, and insults or gets nasty at times (sometimes he tries to be constructive) when I express a concern I may have. I'll give you today's example:
Yesterday morning I texted him about a scary incident I had with my eye, where I awoke at 1am with it watering and also couldn't see properly out of it even when it stopped watering...felt partially blind. An awful experience, which led me to believe I might have to go to the hospital the next day, but thankfully it's okay and I think turned out to be that I may have grazed it near the pupil area or something like that and caused a scratch etc (will see the doctor to confirm). He didn't respond back at all the rest of the day or night. This morning there was a text saying goodmorning and asking how my eye is. And when I said to him that I didn't understand why no response yesterday, it turned into an attack on me being up and down and insults.
At times I've wondered why I'm even in this relationship with this guy, and have left it at times, but get sucked back in, believing things will change (same old story many have heard, I know). The hook for me has been that it does change somewhat and I get hopeful...until I communicate about anything I don't like...and the same negative blaming and insulting scenario ensues...the one where I'm at fault.
Anyhow, I'd like to make a decision with the person and stick to it. I've tried to make it work with him, but clearly it isn't. But I know the chances are that he'll contact me again...and I'll get sucked in again. How do I stay away and not get sucked in?? Any advice is welcome. Thanks.
I am at a better place with my ex and his wife than I have ever been. I can actually have a conversation with him on the phone and keep my cool. When either one of them does something annoying I just do an eyeroll, chalk it up to them being them, and move on with my life. What I'm struggling with is the double identity crisis. Years ago I went to going away party for my mother when she...
This is a link by Darlene Lancer https://www.whatiscodependency.com/trauma-abuse-breakups-divorce-ptsd/#more-13463 about abusive relationships and moving forward.After reading this and speaking to my therapist by phone today, as I progress through the begining of trauma work I'm finding that this article speaks to 'me codependent' to what I hope to achieve Some Day as 'Me, healed of...