Why are you fixated on her? Unanswered questions? I never used medical but I have tried mj. It relieved my ailments.

I don't know why I can't stop thinking of her. I need to get control of this situation and train my brain to stop thinking about her.

Think about your awake hours, how are they filled?

Are you currently working?
What daily obligations do you have?
Are you in school or belong to any organization that you attend regularly?

Hugs to you. I will tell you this it is normal as the sun shines to think of the other woman. if anyone says they didn't then I would say they were lying. Now being fixated on her well that is different if you are wondering how she is. Well I don't know her but I bet I can tell you what she is. A cheater. What does she have that you don't again a cheater. This to shall pass and just be happy he is her problem now and not yours. You deserve much better. As for your other question. I've done it and do not like it because all it did was make me hungry and sleepy. I wanted to live my life not sleep it away although there was a time when it was hard to sleep but at that time I didn't think of doing that. Shame on me. LOL Try this when you start to think of her just think of what a bad person she is and that eventually she will get treated the same. Men who have no loyalty or morals do not learn them over night. She did it with him she will do it to him or vice verse. Good luck and keep busy. Take up baking. Like some really good brownies.... :oP

I do understand. Sometimes I was fixated because I wanted to know why her. Even though I know my ex's taste in women and I knew she was exactly the type he went after, I still wanted to know.
Now they are married and living in the small town I also live in (she lived hundreds of miles away). Now in my mind I tend to see them doing the things WE did. Going the places WE went. Even worse, living the future that was supposed to be his and mine.
I have to say that those kinds of things have not been hitting me as much lately. As I pass places here that have memories attached, I do still get a flashback now and then... Time has pretty much eased the situation for me.

I don't recal being fixated on the OW, but I do remember spending about a month, purposely going places where I could run into her, then figured I would fill in the gaps, woman to woman, when I got there. Probably good I didn't...my images were borderline psychotic.

Anyhow, I haven't given it much thought in the four years I've been divorced, but I believe part of it is because the relationship ended when I found out and told everyone. So I think that played a part? Perhaps if he had stayed with her, I would be singing a different tune...but it would be more because she's around my son and not because she got my leftovers.

You may just be in a minor slump, which is normal. What kind of outlets do you have to help you in times like this?

Sorry for your physical and emotional pain Tammi. I hope your chronic pain subsides soon. As for the other woman, my ex cheated w/more than one - never did I care what they were like b/c my issue was w/him. I guess I felt that knowing about them wasn't going to fix the matter nor make the issue lighter. When men are into cheating they'll cheat w/a broom stick w/a wig - so I never cared weather she was prettier, skinnier, taller, whatever. But if the matter is bothering you I can understand - I know you are a trooper - you will stop obsessing about this soon. Try to busy your mind.

You guys are right about me having too much spare time. I have been too sick to work lately and that is probably why I have so much idle time to think about her. My kids are out of town for spring break. I am not going to be able to go back to work. I have had a job since I was 14 and even when I had C-Sections I was back to work in a week. These are unchartered waters for me and I am afraid. I don't really wonder about her. It is more that I think about the messages I discovered between my husband and her. They play over and over in my head like a broken freaking record. They had an emotional affair. I don't really have a support network except for the people here. I have kids but no other family and don't really have a close friend. We had couple friends, but those aren't the people I want to vent about my husband too because I don't want to put them in the middle. I'm stressed about losing my job and worrying that I won't get approved for long term disability, although I have paid for it through my employer for years and years. I feel like I don't have the energy to fight with the disability insurance company. I haven't even talked to them yet and I am already assuming the worst. I know I control my thoughts and I can lick this. I have to find a way to quit thinking about the messages. It only makes me feel stuck. Thank you all for your support! Just to read the words that someone is sorry that I am hurting means so much to me. Thanks again!