We told our oldest who is 9 yrs old right away. When we first decided to separate. There will never be the right time to tell children. They may already know something has changed. Just keep it short and simple. They don't need to know everything. Just make sure to not bad mouth each other and keep and eye on how they act and feel. In the future you may consider therapy for you and the kids. Kids are strong but just keep in mind on how you act around the,. The best advice I got was stay strong on front of the kids and fall apart when you are alone. Stay strong I know how you feel i am going through the same thing.

How did the 9 year old react? I know each kid is different. How old was your youngest? I just want to have a strong and loving and fun relationship with my kids while getting back to a happy place for myself.

I like Juneday's answer.
I think a lot of how the kids react will depend on how you and your partner act about the break up. The more stressed out you are, the more stressed out the kids will be. If you could stay on good terms for the kids that would benefit them for the rest of their lives. In the future it would come back to benefit you also.
Good luck

We decided on the separation a couple of months ago (she wanted it, I didn't). I thought it would be better to tell them once my wife has her apartment set up. I didn't want them to go through the same anxiety that I'm going through as the date approaches (I liken it to a time bomb going off). I didn't want them to think they could beg Mom to stay or change her mind. My stbx is going to be very close to the house because she still wants to be near them. My kids are very soon going to be 12 and 15. Trying to stay strong but am super nervous. My wife wanted to tell them separately. I said no way. This has got to come from both of us. Very interested in seeing what others have to say.

We plan on telling them together probably next Friday after work. That way they have the weekend to deal with it. Wanted to get through the Xmas and the NY. Another reason for me wanting to do it now and not keep letting the months and years add up is because I think my STBX and I can have a good relationship around the kids. I could see how resentment could build over time and that the relationship could then be very hard, especially around the kids.

My oldest says she is fine. She has talked with both of us separately and right now she is ok. As long as I watch what I say and do about their dad it will stay ok. I do ask her once in awhile how she is doing but I dont push it. It is all about how I handle it. That is what my therapist keeps telling me. My youngest is 3 and is different. She is young enough to know dad is not here and keeps asking for him especially on the weekends but not old enough to really get what is going on. I will not allow them to go to his new place and I do not approve of who he has chosen to love with. The only thing I keep telling my youngest is her dad is not here. He calls or texts them and see them at night during the week when I am at work. Right now it is hard to see the happy ending but it will come for both if us some day.

How about schedule with seeing the kids during the week? We decided to try to keep things as normal as possible for them. I was researching all the typical schedule schemes but I came up with a switch every other weekend and Wednesday nights at Mom's place. I work full time, my wife does not but will start to increase her hours (she wasn't happy about that, but I said it is just a matter of fact). She came back with switching every other night but I said that would not work...too much moving around for the kids. Our routine is (and will try to stay) that I get them up, get breakfast, then leave for work. My wife would come and take my youngest to school. She does what she needs to do then picks up my youngest and get her to extra curricular. My wife then would make dinner for the kids and herself. I will still eat with them. Then Mom would go to her apartment and I take over in the evening. Our counselor said it looked good and to give it a try for a month. We are going to have to take our cues from the kids and may need to tweak the schedule for their needs...and maybe our needs.