It is a very traumatic thing, an unwanted divorce. However, you can get through this. people say that time heals all wounds. I don't really think so. It is what you do during that time that heals you.

I suggest you get into counseling and take control of your new life. You mention that you have kids. Maintain your relationship with them as best you can.

Start working out, burning of calories relieves stress and keeps you healthy.

Thanks. I've just shrunk into depression drinking and sleeping. My life has just fallen apart

The drinking part is not a good thing, thats
Adding fuel to a hot fire.

Eat if you need something for a crux, I did ice
Cream when i was in emotional overload During
and after the divorce. I got off the I/C after awhile.

Get into therapy and maybe get some meds,
some Need them to Cope and get thru the day.
I refused them but i could get up and go to work
And function.

Divorce care is a great program to help during
And in the transition after the divorce.

Let yourself grieve your losses, going thru a
separation and a divorce is an event just to
move thru and Still be sane.

Keep Reaching out for love and support from good
Healthy people. Support groups and churches are
Great places.

Where you are at is nothing unusual, i struggle still
With depression, anxiety and stress. Grieving is a
Big part of what is going on plus the detaching.

Keep posting on here we are all in this together.
HUGS

Thank you. Just getting responses helps me feel not so alone.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have been through two divorces and have been on both sides of it, the one who wanted it and the one who tried to save it. By far it was more difficult for me to be the one getting left. Do you have friends or family close by to help you through this time? Try to pour yourself into a hobby when you feel alone. I know it hurts but it will get better with time if you learn to cope. Good luck to you.

Do you have access to therapy? that in itself
Is very helpful many do that during and even
afterward. TheTransitioning phase afterward
is hard too.

None Of this stuff should be walked alone
without Support. My lawyer was even good
about Support and helping me figure things
Out financially and watching My back.

You probably are needy and there is a lot of
uncomfortable Feelings and emotions to cope
with. Rejection Is usually the first hurdle then
abandonment and betrayal at least in my case.

I was in for 30 years and my ex was checked
Out for the last 12 years and he eventually found
Someone else. HUGS

Wow! Thanks for all of the responses. No I do not have a support system I have no family here in Lexington other than my kids and my ex. I left my home state 20 years ago to be here with her. My company relocated me here so I could be with her and they move my office here. Four years ago I left my career so she could go back and finish up her 2nd° as a nurse practitioner and it was after she did that that she decided she was no longer happy I left my career so I could focus on the kids and be able to have a flexible schedule to pick them up from school and get them ready at night and do homework so she could finish school and can't and work after she had been a stay at home mom for 17 years with me supporting the family. Now I'm out of my home I've had to go back to work making a lot less than what I was making four years ago and I feel like I'm just starting all over again at 47 and it's hard not just emotionally but financially careerwise and everything

There were a few stay at home dads on
Here, none of this is going to be easy. Try
To keep your children and yourself in your
Head not her.

She sounds checked out, do you think she
Has an affair partner? That makes everything
much Harder. HUGS

We've been separated almost two yrs and yes she started seeing someone 6 months ago

You have to find a focus that is positive, albeit that is very hard to do (damn near impossible) in the beginning stages of a separation/divorce. I agree with others on here - get out and walk, run, lift weights, dance, yoga, any kind of work out that you can do. And it is imperative that you do the exercise especially when you do not feel like it. Exercise is a great healer, at least temporarily. Someone also said to focus on your kids. They need your strength and your guidance. You need to be their rock even if you don't want to be. I posted a response the other day..."we are in this surreal world that we were dragged into without consultation". Please remember there are so many on here that are experiencing or have experienced what you are going through. This is a great resource.

Hang in there if he was not the reason for the breakup.

A Checked out spouse, is someone that is emotionally
detached and disconnected from you. They are long
gone emotionally and they are awaiting the right time
And Opportunity to leave the marriage and usually find
a new partner first.

Thats my ex in a nutshell, he did not say he wanted
Out just started acting out and different and none of
It was in a nice or good way. HUGS

What has helped me is getting my head wrapped around the fact that my wife no longer loves me. Do you really want to be with someone that does not love you? Someone that has moved on? That you will have to chase the rest of your life? I want someone that loves me and I know it. I want a partner that helps me and I her. Someone that cares about me and not herself. I get why you are sad. I have cried everyday for 4 months. I just finally snapped and realize this is not my problem it is hers. We had an amazing life, travelled all over the world, had a great life, but when it got tough she bolted and saddled up with my best friend. I can't imagine you have gone through this for so long. I want this ordeal to be done and start healing. Get tough, you are worth more than what she says. Message me if you need to talk.

I don't think those that turn to alcohol, drugs, cheating (and the fact that the separation came "out of nowhere" tells me she is cheating or is interested in someone else) know what true love is. They don't believe in commitment, they believe only in the "for better" part of the vows. When "for worse" works its way into a marriage people like your wife and my ex-husband, and countless others run away. Do not try to rationalize her actions as there is no logic to what she is doing except being selfish.