Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have a dilemma!
My daughter's father and I are separated.
He isn't working and has no income. (this is a whole different topic)
Sometimes when she wants to see him, I have to pay for everything and do all the driving, etc. (we are supposed to be working on our marriage, but it's not happening and I'm ready to end it)
I don't want to do this anymore.
Friday, she wanted to have dinner with him and wanted him to come over to watch a movie I did take him to dinner, for which he wasn't grateful at all and then wound up taking him home. I didn't want time with him.
Also, note, he's determined where he lives isn't safe for her and I am done with him being in my home, he's stolen from me.
I'm don't want her to necessarily know of his problems to the full extent, because she may worry, etc. and really that's not something she should worry about. He should be worried about her.
Soooo. What do I say when these situations come up? Without making anyone the bad guy or giving her information that isn't really for her.
My daughter's father and I are separated.
He isn't working and has no income. (this is a whole different topic)
Sometimes when she wants to see him, I have to pay for everything and do all the driving, etc. (we are supposed to be working on our marriage, but it's not happening and I'm ready to end it)
I don't want to do this anymore.
Friday, she wanted to have dinner with him and wanted him to come over to watch a movie I did take him to dinner, for which he wasn't grateful at all and then wound up taking him home. I didn't want time with him.
Also, note, he's determined where he lives isn't safe for her and I am done with him being in my home, he's stolen from me.
I'm don't want her to necessarily know of his problems to the full extent, because she may worry, etc. and really that's not something she should worry about. He should be worried about her.
Soooo. What do I say when these situations come up? Without making anyone the bad guy or giving her information that isn't really for her.
At 6, what she needs to know us far different than 10..12...14
If you've decided this is it - then you need to start to move forward, and get something concrete in place. Daddy needs to get himself in a position to take responsibility for his daughter. She can't decide on a Tuesday that she wants to see him when the schedule dictates the days are Monday and Wednesdays. I always encourage flexibility in this when possible but NOT on your dime!
This will allow daughter to know when the times are, and that it's daddy's responsibility to get somewhere to see her and the ball will be in HIS court to explain why or why not. Created personal accountability.
Daddy needs to take ownership in this situation which includes finding a job, suitable residence, etc etc. Grown ups need to be grown.
Flexiblilty is important, as life doesn't actually work around custody, but sticking to the expectations is important, too. If he falls short (and the REASON he does is not your concern) then he falls short.
Don't coddle him, pick him, and definitely don't pay for it.