Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Che2 11/08/2007

My ex won't tell me what he is getting the kids for Christmas. He says that it doesn't matter..if they get 2 of something they will need it at both house's anyway.

There are a lot of things that my kids don't need 2 of.

The past year has been bad. Now that he is about to marry the Step-Ho..it's about to get worse.

She believes in 2 house's..2 sets of everything. If she sends pajamas with her son to her ex's house..he gets 5 voicemails reminding him to send back "her" pajamas.

I disagree. To me..the kids belongings are thier belongings..and they can take them wherever they want. For the past year I have been sending clothes, movies, EVERYTHING that they need with them to thier Dad's.

I can only assume that the Christmas thing is some kind of childish.. whatever. He doesn't HAVE to tell me..so he isn't going to.

He has the kids on Christmas Eve. If he gives them what they are asking "Santa" for..they will be disappointed.

I don't get it..but I think I am going to have to get used to it.

deleted_user 11/08/2007

i've learned that the disagreements in a divorce, no matter how little or where they originate from, will be extremely charged emotionally.

our only hope for recovery and peace of mind is to recognize these disagreements for what they are.

deleted_user 11/08/2007

Wow. It's pretty sad when can even be jerk through Christmas, for your kids.

deleted_user 11/08/2007

I am about to go through christmas as an absent father and I know it will be just as hard on my ex as me. Sometimes we have to compromise ...does it matter if your children have 2 of everything...who cares as long as they have their mum and dad. We do what we can and try not to think about what we can't do anything about.

deleted_user 11/09/2007

how about talking to your kids and making lists for santa, and tell them to make a list for your house and daddy's house, that way santa won't leave 2 of the same thing, and don't tell the ex what is on the list they left at your house. hope this helps.

deleted_user 11/09/2007

Good idea chrurop,got to tell you that mine and theres stuff is so stupid. I went throught that with my youngest daughter's father.

deleted_user 11/09/2007

Well I'm going to play devils advocate here. Not that THIS applies to your situation. My son and his ex share custody. His ex wife doesn't take care of ANYTHING. Her laundry skills suck. Anything I or my ex husband give the baby stays at his house. Her birthday is next week (the baby) and there's going to be a birthday party at his ex MIL's house. I'm giving the baby's gifts to her at Dads house...why? The beautiful little outfit that I bought her will be destroyed if her mother gets near it. Just like the umpteen sweaters I've knitted for her.

This probably is not your situation, but there are sometimes other reasons for it.

I think the dual Santa lists are a great idea.

deleted_user 11/09/2007

I understand how bad it gets with 2 of things. He is being silly because there is no reason to let that happen. As for the step-ho, maybe she believes in 2 hosbands as well. Lets all take a deep breath as Christmas approaches my pulse quickens. See you here on X-mas eve as my stbx has my child and I will be hurting bad. Sorry to hear the stbx is uncooperative there is no need of it and you are blessed for putting up with it.

Che2 11/09/2007

Thanks guy..

Courier..I understand your sons situation and in his shoes..I would do the same thing.

My ex isn't going to do "Santa" for the kids. He told me that Santa won't be coming to his house for them..I can do Santa.

He also, to date, won't buy them anything that is not a gift. He pays child support. I forgot to send socks for my oldest one time and he bought some..and asked me to pay him back. I did.

I honestly think this is all about being mean. The kids don't want, or need, to get the same gifts at both houses and niether have asked for much.

He thinks it will hurt me if Christmas is somehow spoiled for the kids. He is not thinking about them.

I will make sure and save my receipts this year.

I'm not going to let him ruin the Holidays for me.

deleted_user 11/09/2007

my ex and I talkesd about gifts most of the time he would ask me what the kids wanted ,that is a good idea but he also had some things he insisted stay at his house ,I dont think you can do anything about it ,my daughter asked to bring the bike home ,he did not like it but because it was her asking he gave in .I just think it is all so unimportant in the end ,the kids do not realy care about who gives what just who cares for them....let them have their way on this leave the aruments for the important things...we get worked up about things that dont matter much...I know its frustrating but you realy have no control over it.Have a happy christmas with your kids and dont worry about what he and his new Ho do...lol...My ex's ho left him for another WOMAN...lol

deleted_user 11/09/2007

He wouldn't pay for socks! What a jerk. Next time I think I'd be tempted to say "gee sorry I forgot, honest mistake. Why don't you drive over and I'll be happy to give you some socks!".

deleted_user 11/09/2007

Whew... all I can say is my stbx is not marrying anyone anytime soon and I think his GF will eventually get upset with that.

You ex should work with you on the xmas gifts so the kids get the best christmas they can get.

Its about the kids, not about what we want to do.

I know this is frustrating... you are right, getting used to it is all you can do.
Step HO (hmm witch Ho, witch HO, witch HO... hmmm) - trying to make you laugh...

HUGS and hope you are feeling better my friend.

Chris

deleted_user 11/09/2007

the best thing you can do.
1. Is love your kids, have fun with them when at your house!
2. DO NOT LET HIM SPOIL YOUR HOLIDAYS.
3.REMEMBER IS HE IS AN ASS YOUR KIDS WILL SEE IT!
4. FOR EVERYONE ELSE TOO
Have'nt you heard it been called the holiday season? I doesnt have to be only one day. There can be many days throughout Christmas and New Years that you can use the time wisely. Make another day a special day (you dont have to let you ex know what day it is)
Most importantly in time your children will realize that you tried hard to make it good for them. That is what counts.
4. Life is too short

deleted_user 11/09/2007

Plan ahead. It is good that you will keep the receipts, in case of Duplicates...also have an appropriate response that is witty and non hurtful for your kids.

Maybe you can sit down and make up some little cards. Number them, and the gifts, so that you Know which is which. Put a Dollar amount in the Card and a little rhyme...give your child a "scavenger hunt" at the store.

Trying to think of Something to keep the childs excitement alive for the day. Allow them to have a Fun Memory and not feel the stress.

deleted_user 11/09/2007

What an arrogant jerk!!!

Won't pay for socks??? Give me a break. Well, maybe you should start applying the same rules. If you don't send movies with them, the x and step-ho have to buy some for their house.

I hope this gets easier as your kids get older, they will see what an ass their Dad really is, and appreciate you all the more.

(((hugs))) to you and your kids...

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