That is not that long of a time, 2.5 months. I know from your other post that you have known this guy for a very long time, and it being off/on again, probably makes it even more difficult. Make sure that you are done-done with him completely. This will make it easier to move on.

That's actually good that you have some good and some bad days. That means you are healing. The road to recovery is never a straight line :-)

Have you tried writing that letter (not to send him!!!)? And keeping a journal that you can write out your daily feelings, thoughts, goals, etc.

There are also some good videos on YouTube about getting over an Ex. I have found the YouTube videos very helpful, and it's something you can go watch anytime, 24/7.

It's more about WHAT we do with the time, rather than HOW LONG does it take. Stay busy, stay social. Take care of YOU now! Great job! :-)

it takes a long time. I still have issues and i haven't been with my ex wife since 2007. the way mine went down has caused me to not be able to reach out to people for the longest time.

Thankfully Christ came into my life and he is teaching me that I am worth caring about and this has allowed me to start healing. I'm starting to make my own friends again and trust people.


GirlinCalif had a good suggestion with the journal. You can even keep one on here so your friends can read it and support you through your healing.

@GirlinCalif , I did start writing a journal but usually cannot spill out more than 1-2 lines each day. Although the letter gets longer and longer :) but then I type it out and delete it. I have been out and about, busy with work and also spent the weekend out of town with an old uni friend. We had a great time.
This time I just have to make sure it's the last - last and I think it will be. Every time we got back together, I asked him if he had dated in between and he always said no, which was definitely not true. This time hopefully he will not come back but it will be a definite "No" as I saw him with someone less than 24 hours we met. That was a 'shock' but a blessing in disguise. I see it as a sign. The Universe showed me the path I must take. Thanks for your support.

@rianbooyer It's great to have faith to get you through. I will try writing a journal, usually, there is nothing much to say but like they say there is security in boredom as I have had too much of an 'exciting' life I can do without. Thanks for taking out the time to read and comment, much obliged.

Humans have memories and emotions/feelings. We can learn to move forward in life without this person but we will never not remember them in some small way as time goes by.

But as time goes by, if we do new things, join classes or exercise groups, bookclubs, anything, then our mind goes to the new activities and the old ones fade. I still remember this guy I really liked back in college, 40 years ago, but I don't have the same feelings for him. He gave me a STI (if you don't know, google what it is) and would not go to the doctor himself. I had to break up with him to keep my self esteem intact. And he called me 9 months later saying he was engaged to this woman and he'd gotten himself checked and the doctor said he had nothing (this is a viral thing, just looking at him doesn't show anything). And all I feel now is major disappointment in him.

Maybe think of your pride in not being someone's toy or being used or misused.

Every time you have closeness with him may set you back from learning to move forward without him being #1 in your life. So you might think of not stirring the pot of your emotional needs with him again. He may come back, because this is his habit and he you will allow it.

Yes, see that glimpse of his "real life" as a sign. He is not the man for your future. Think of yourself as a prize, a high prize that a man must earn. Not to be entitled or self absorbed but to be a prize of high value. Don't let some low value dude like this guy get your love. Don't give away your body or your love to these low value men. Hugs.

Lonelygal27 it doesn't have to be long. Even if it is a few sentences it can be theraputic.

I used to write short journals to myself and they eventually grew to be very long.

They don't have to be long to help out.

I'm still not the best at Journaling. When I'm in great emotional pain I sometimes journal on daily strength...you can make the DS journal entries private or share with DS friends

Thanks! I am feeling better, it is now that dull ache and not that sharp debilitating pain. I still think about him but never once has it been regret about moving on. A few days back I told him that I never wanted him to get back in touch and he should not even reply to my text. I felt relieved.
I know timetables are never good but I did give myself 90 days .. it's just a milestone and it's 17 days to go. I have kept myself busy with work, chores, a daily 45 min walk, and socializing, going out again today. I am also getting back to my reading habit, something I love. I cannot thank you all enough, this was something I could never have discussed so openly with my friends. I will keep updating you here. I have also put together a dairy and sometimes I add a poem or two over there.

@MelT2020 .. started doing on paper. It is a good idea .. and will be great especially if he comes back .. as in the past.

@rianbooyer started with 1 line here and 1 line there and it seems to be working

@hasty_05 I see what you mean, will be really careful about it. Life is too short to waste on people who use you.

Time

Can't put it on it

One day
One breath

Focus on the finer things in life

@Lifereallysucks absolutely we miss out on the good things in life crying over things which have no purpose ... so one moment, one day, one week, one month, one year .... and one lifetime .. all must lead us to some higher purpose

That's the hope

Is it reality?

Is this time away have you figured out what you want ?

@Lifereallysucks need to have an eye on a goal and the goal is to be free and do some good , even if it small things for others.


“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”
― Lao Tzu