Not sure how this effects you, but to answer your question: I've paid $7500 in retainer so far to my lawyer, and I know I'm going to get asked for another $2500 next month. This has been going on for over a year now. Very ugly. Probably going to trial this fall. Very expensive.

If I were you I would stay out of his divorce. This can only really effect you far down the road, if after his divorce he decides to marry you. You have no real standing right now to advise him because he is married to someone else. Let them work through their issues and see where you are after the dust settles.

A reminder: It does not affect you because it is their divorce and not yours. So be truthful with yourself.

Be careful, because if divorce attorneys start calling and he picks up the phone and they tell him you called them for information, you could face unexpected consequences.

Go to the bottom of the site below and read about the different processes such as mediation and other methods and it explains them. Then go to the top and read about costs. It's hard to determine fees and costs.

http://www.divorceinkentucky.com/FAQ.htm

Also, the way you conduct yourself now, and the trust you put in him and his wife to handle this on their own, will speak volumes to him about what you are really like. It's obvious that money is NOT the concern to him in this divorce--pay attention to that and let it go.

I take it from what you wrote, you have already recieved the advise that this is not something that affects you. I do understand your thinking that financially down the road if you and your b/f were to get married etc, yes what happens now with his divorce could affect that aspect. But you need to let you b/f handle this on his own and ocme up with a solution that works for him and his ex. I understand the need to want to help and protect your b/f, I went through 2 years with my b/f of a custody battle ( I know it is not the same as divorce) but I wanted to help him with everything, and I learnt quickly that I needed to step back because this was something he needed to handle between him, his sons mother and his son. I offered advice if asked and helped with other things when asked and even played the devils advocate to ensure he thought everything through. But at no point was I researching lawyers or mediators etc for him. You could end up causing a lot of issues if you overstep on this.
Be careful

The idea that he is married to someone else should be enough reason to feel like you need to step back from this and let him handle his business. Had my X had a GF "researching', etc it would have caused problems that only complicate the situation.

Every divorce has two sides, and whatever issues your married boyfriend brings to his marriage are on him. You deciding what affects you is only going to make it worse.

This is not your divorce. This is a decision and process between two people with children, and those are the people who need to work through it. At the end of the day, when the dust settles, they still have a relationship because of their children. Let your boyfriend be grown and work his problems out.

1800dollars

Thank you Astimegoesby that website is exactly what I was trying to find myself but could not. I have no intentions of calling or talking to anyone. I just wanted a few pages to email him to show him his options since he has no clue where to start. As a matter of fact she doesn't even know about me and I want it that way. As for how it affects me. I tend to look way ahead in the future and how things could affect my life. I have had enough drama in my life time and want no more. I could care less if he gives her everything that wont affect me. I own my house free and clear pay my own bills etc. When she asked that every year they just combine both their income tax and split it down the middle that is where I see a problem for me. Its not the money its more the fact some of the things she wants is going to have her always in his life for more things than just the children. I am dating him not them. I know he and his children are a package deal that's fine but I don't want her as part of the package. If he is setting up a situation where she will always be in his life for more things than the kids I want no part of it and I told him as much. Maybe I just over think things but if it is not going to be a clean break I nicely let him know I see to much possibility for drama and I will walk away.

I think, when dating someone who has children, you can pretty much plan on the ex being in the picture more or less always. Even when the kids are grown there are birthday parties, graduations, weddings, etc. They will always have reasons to be around each other. If you can't accept/handle that, then now would be the time to get out of this relationship. You have no right to tell him how much interaction he can have with his ex. Ideally it would be great if they could both remain on friendly terms for the kids' sake. Don't drive a wedge between them, because you will probably be the one that gets hurt in the end.

Actually, If your dating someone that has children and you plan to be serious with them in the future and exclusive, I would think you would have to consider that actually you are "dating" not just them but their children as well. It's a package deal. A relationship is about compromise, trust and respect, oh and of course honesty. Just a few things to consider.
His soon to be ex, well she is first and foremost the mother of his children and she will always be a part of his life in that way, so I agree with cheryt, it would be best for all parties involved to to accept and handle that fact. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I agree with what cheryt and Joanie are telling you. I also strongly suggest you look at it from another angle.

You have been with him a short time, so if it worries you that he will be involved in income tax with his ex wife for years, you may want to consider going. Hes going to be involved with her and the kids for the rest of his life.

What you havent thought about at all, and that I havent heard from you at all, is that, this man has been wonderful in working out the divorce with his ex wife. He is making sure she is well provided for and hes even going so far as to make sure theyre going to split the income tax return money. This also makes sure that his kids are well taken care of.

And the ability that him and his ex wife have to work all these details out between them, is going to make for a better future for their children and whatever girlfriend he ends up with permanently and whatever boyfriend she ends up with permanently. Hes going to need an extra special girlfriend and his children deserve him having an extra special girlfriend so they can have the best life possible with their Dad and Mom. That relationship with the children will last a lifetime and not just through the divorce.

I see a group of people (Mom with boyfriend and Dad with girlfriend) that will all come together peacefully for the kids, be there for the kids music recitals, plays in school, teacher conferences, birthday parties, all celebrations and all provide so much support and love for those children and everyone getting together wont stop at high school and will be forever. The children will grow up feeling an incredible love for all of them and the children will have modeled for them that adult problems can be worked out between two people.

He is an honest, upright man that really cares.

I think I am seeing your point Astimegoesby. I was really looking at it from one angle. The fact that after 15 years of marriage she got pregnant and had a child by another man then did not even tell him until the child was 5 months old. Well I do not have much respect for her character and can see a lot of drama coming with her. However, the more I think about it its not her I am dealing with its him. At 38 the dating pool is getting slimmer and not as great. I am looking at a guy who is an amazing dad, who is not bitter against all woman because of what she did, he still hopes one day to have the whole happily ever after with one person. Even after everything that has happened he is still positive. He is not allergic to work. I have only known him about a month and 1/2 but so far my biggest complaint is he doesn't wear a seat belt. Unless I am missing some huge flaw( and hes a pretty simple guy so I doubt it) I might have just got real lucky. When I think of it that way I am just going to step back keep my mouth shut and let him deal with her. Thank you for making me think.