Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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ll47ll 04/28/2009

Sometimes I think my family doesn't even care about me, and wonder is it bc I'm divorced? If I moved far away and didn't visit much, I doubt they would visit me, and we would all probably be just the same.

I pay someone to mow my lawn and my dad asks why don't I pay my brother in law to do it instead bc he got laid off a few months ago? HELLO! I have been laid off even longer. I help them paint their NEW house (that my parents GAVE them the land to build on) and didn't ask for a dime, they didn't even order pizza or have food while we were there all day. My parents come to me for everything they need and she is never asked to help. Does the world really revolve around the favorite child only and always, for the parents?

Just a really insensitive thing to say and I don't want to get upset with my sister bc she didn't say it, but boy she plays that card all too well.

GeocacherNY 04/28/2009

my blood is back in my life, my marital family alienated them. I'm thinking of moving to where they are

deleted_user 04/28/2009

I'm sorry for the way your family is treating you. It was very kind of you to help them paint even though they didn't meet your basic needs while you worked your tail off. Your probably the sweet type that can't say no when family asks. Just curious is your sister the baby of the family?

Big Hugs & Take Care :0)

ll47ll 04/28/2009

She is the supermodel gorgeous baby girl of the family and has the youngest grandchild. My parents always favor the youngest baby in the family.

ll47ll 04/28/2009

And I never say no if I can help. I just painted my daughter's room last week and did she come over and help even tho she wasn't doing anything, NO!

And thank you for the hugs.

ChiTownBear 04/28/2009

I look at it as some in the family don't need the babying or "boosting" up cus they are already a strong, good looking person. They have it together, where others, don't and need that.

Parents know this more then anyone

deleted_user 04/28/2009

I have to agree with Chi a bit, 47. I come from a large family. At some point, I realized, the favored one(s) were favored for a reason... they needed that extra validation. hence, yes, perhaps they see you as stronger, self-sufficient?

Nonetheless, it is not a good feeling and I am sorry you are working through this on top of that other stuff...

Hugs.

deleted_user 04/28/2009

My family is this way, too. But partly it's my fault because I married an abuser who kept me from them, so of course they are closer now to my brother.

But my brother is married with a kid and one on the way, so my parents fawn over them and their grandkid.

But my brother can be very, very lazy and never wants to do anything that's work or hard. For instance, my godfather died, and I went to the funeral with my parents and my brother did not. Then they just dismissed my brother for not going, "oh, funerals are hard for him." Well, duh - funerals are hard for everyone.

ll47ll 04/28/2009

I'm the one who has it together? WOW, that just blew me away. I didn't look at it that way. Probably not likely, but thank you for your thoughts. I am stronger than her bc I am older and hence lived and learned a bit more.

Just sux getting pushed aside.

Lee

deleted_user 04/28/2009

Super sorry you are feeling neglected. Oddly enough.. everyone on here is spot on. You were probably the one least likely to need extra attention.

I know Asian parents.. (my culture is similar) are totally out of it.. when it comes to affection.

Have you tried to tell them that YOU need some extra support during this time? Maybe that might help?

lycesq 04/29/2009

Lee - I know how much it sucks to be the stronger kid. A little hsitory - my brother was 5 years older than I am and never did well in school or anything else. I was the star and did well at everything. Years later, my brother started living with my dad. My dad transfered our family home to my brother and myself (I had a home and a vacation home so he thought my brother needed it more than I did). Well, my dad died, then my brother died so it went to the woman my brother married. She remarried and put her new husband's name on title, then sold my family home and moved to Southern California. Would my father be turning over in his grave? Oh yes.

It is what it is and that's what I have dealt with.

So, warm hugs and support to you because I know what it is like.

Lynne

deleted_user 04/29/2009

My family never help me out, i do everything myself but i think the reason is because i am very independant & they know it so they never offer help. Maybe your family know you can do things without them. I dont think family or friends realize we maybe independant but we still could use their help.

ChiTownBear 04/29/2009

it does suck feeling like you are getting pushed aside by anyone. When you have that from those you care about, it can surely hurt and do a wee bit of damage to the psyche'. But it doesn't mean they care any less, well with family that is. Being the oldest they have probably come to rely on your as well for many things. They look at you as an adult and her, as a baby still. While we would all like to be "babied" at certain times cus we all need love, care and support, which would you rather be considered? A strong adult who they need to help contribute or a baby?

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