It takes time...I've been there...held on to my ex for dear life. What I'm starting to realize is that I was holding on to him, and focusing on him so I didn't have to focus on me. I've recently went to NO CONTACT. I told him why...and I knew at this point it was the best thing for me. Don't hold yourself accountable for his emotions or where he's at in life. You can only change yourself. I agree with your brother it may be time to take a break...it may not have to be forever....but until you at least heal.

I think your right. If I go a couple days without talking to him I feel better, but as soon as we make contact, bam! I'm right back where I started.

so the guy left and is claiming to be the victim too? now, that's a nice gig he has going for him, isn't it?

i agree with your brother. let the guy go his way and you go yours.

Although it's hard, the only way you can heal is by NO CONTACT. You will hurt and ache, but when you put your thoughts on him by contact, you are prolonging the pain. The further way you get, the more you can put your thoughts on yourself and your future and the possibility of being open to someone new and caring who can give you what you deserve out of a relationship.

I love you but I'm not in love with you....

Phrase used exclusively by shallow self-absorbed individuals who actually have no concept of what it means to love or be loved. Their hearts are vacant and usually associate sex not with a deeply emotional or spiritual experience but rather purely a physical and transient act involving no emotion. Such individuals are limited in both intellect and in normal socialization skills. People who use this overused cliche usually suffer from a combination of schizotypal disorder and sociopathy. A catch-all phrase when the person doing the dumping knows there is no reason for the relationship to end, other than for purely selfish reasons of wanting to pursue sexual relations with other individuals outside of the current relationship.


I love you but I'm not in love with you

Translation:

I don't love you and I want to (or already am) experiment with other people. You're just my back up plan.

Two things you need to tell yourself: DAILY

Never make someone a priority when they consider you an option.

And

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.

Different people do it different ways. We have been broken up since January and while I am doing all the right stuff and moving forward...even dating a bit...my heart still aches for her depsite the overwhelming evidence to support the argument that it shouldn't.

We are now NC again (she had been coming and going at me on FB) since she called to let me know she was officially divorced back on April 28th. It really does take time to process it all and move on, but I could never have done it without the support here, my friends and her finally seeing, after I pointed it out, that contacting me was making matters worse. I think she got it now and is moving on too.

You can't keep picking at the scab, the thing won't heal.

Good luck to you.

Love that. Keep picking the scab and it won't heal. At this rate, we will end up mortal enemies instead of the uneasy friendship we have. Soooo, I think no contact is best. I must add some steel to my backbone!