Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My husband and I have been married for a little over a year, dating for nearly 5 years. Our relationship is rough at best; we fight daily, often about silly things, or are just plain mean to each other for no reason. We have been in counseling together for over 2 years (since just after getting engaged), and I have now started also going to counseling on my own.
The issue is, I believe he does love me and I believe he is trying. But I don't know if I want this anymore. We don't have any sexual chemistry. I don't feel respected and I don't feel like I'm made to be a priority above other things. I'm often annoyed by things he does, but I try to brush it off as a side affect of the other feelings I'm having. I worry that we just aren't compatible or right for each other. I feel like we are too young to continue the rest of our lives on this tumultuous path.
I know I'm not innocent here, and I know I contribute to our issues. He accuses me of not having enough patience for things to get better, but I just don't see any signs that they ever will be any better. I feel stuck and scared, and I don't know what to do.
The issue is, I believe he does love me and I believe he is trying. But I don't know if I want this anymore. We don't have any sexual chemistry. I don't feel respected and I don't feel like I'm made to be a priority above other things. I'm often annoyed by things he does, but I try to brush it off as a side affect of the other feelings I'm having. I worry that we just aren't compatible or right for each other. I feel like we are too young to continue the rest of our lives on this tumultuous path.
I know I'm not innocent here, and I know I contribute to our issues. He accuses me of not having enough patience for things to get better, but I just don't see any signs that they ever will be any better. I feel stuck and scared, and I don't know what to do.
My hubby and I are HS sweethearts. I've been with him since I was 15, we have been together over 25 yrs and married for over 16. We are in the process of separating. We have tried counseling already. We are planning to start out with a year long separation and see how things go from there. We have 3 children together so we will always be a part of each other's lives. We haven't been happy for quite some time.
Why do you feel stuck? Do you have children involved? Is Separation an option?
You'll see lots of things in the book that you'll recognise in your marriage.
After my ex left me we were discussing something related to the kids and I was trying to tell her how I felt about something I believed was having an impact on them. I noticed an incredible dynamic that had played out frequently between us.
While I was trying to tell her how I felt she was asking certain question that would make me feel like she wasn't even attempting to try and understand what it is that I was saying. To me her questions felt like she was defending her position rather that trying to understand, then I became frustrated and told her to forget it that it didn't matter.
After I realised that I was stonewalling her and until this interaction I never saw it that way.
Her questions though in my opinion were a way for her to question what I was saying and defend her belief and position, which I felt she did often. I have no problem with someone being critical of what I might be saying, it's the way she asks them. As though no matter how I say something she was choosing to not understand.
Seeing this dynamic earlier may have actually helped us work towards fixing our relationship, but only if she wanted to change.
The book I mentioned above will open your eyes, and it's simple things that you'll see that the two of you do together that can easily change.
Good luck :)
I hope the best for you.
No kids involved, so at least we have that going for us. Separation isn't really an option because we own a business together, so there isn't really anyway we could ever truly be apart.
We are still in couples counseling, and I have started going on my own to another counselor. I think it is helping. Something that I've had to work hard to come to terms with is owning my part of this. I can only control myself and how I perceive/react/feel to any given situation. Recognizing my personal emotions in this has really helped a lot in the past couple of weeks.
I do love him, and I do care about him. If I didn't, it wouldn't be so hard to walk away. We have similar dreams/goals/values/etc., so I do want to work and see what we can do to make this a better place for both of us to be. Life is messy and hard - that's what I've gathered. Sure, it would be easier to live under a rock and keep people out, but what would it be worth then? Despite all of our troubles, I still would rather be with him than alone or searching again. And if I'm not 100% sure that I have all my s**t together, then I can't know for sure that I wouldn't have the exact same problems with someone else in the future.