Are you in counseling together? The fact that she agreed to go to counseling at all is a good sign. At the very least, you will be able to hopefully understand where she is coming from, and see if you can be reconciled. Take the counseling time to help yourself outside of just trying to fix your marriage. Nothing is guaranteed. I have found in my marriage breakup as well as from others here on DS there are many peaks and valleys in the process of a breakup. You need to find strength to deal with whatever happens and so I suggest thinking about individual counseling for yourself. Plus we are all here for you - have been through it and survived. Post here whenever you are confused or need to vent. Someone will always be listening and able to share their thoughts.

Yes we're in counseling together plus I'm going to start going on my own. I'm having such a hard time with all of this. I love her so much and just want to figure things out. There've been no highs just lowest of the lows so far. I'm so racked with guilt and shame because of what I did in the past and now I face losing my whole entire world. I'm a complete wreck having trouble eating, sleeping, just functioning in general. We're still living together, sleeping in the same bed(no intimacy), it's so messed up.

She engaged in an affair and engaging in counseling is counterproductive. Seems like she is going through the motions of engaging in counseling, but not emotionally or mentally invested.
Sorry you are going through such a lousy experience.

If she's still having the affair the counseling is a waste of time. 2 wrongs don't make a right and she's taken it to the next level and still involved with him. I'd divorce her. No one needs that crap in their life.

I so understand the desire to fix things and move on. I think all of us felt that at one time or another in our breakup/divorce journey. It is part of the grief process: denial and bargaining. However, you cannot fix things alone no matter how badly you want to. And I am sorry to say, but she is showing you with her actions (continuing her affair) where her heart truly lies. Counseling and rebuilding will not work if she is continuing the affair. Yes, it hurts to let go of hope, but it is ultimately more painful to hold onto hope when you are the only one actually putting in the work (been there, didn't work). At this point, I would separate and start the divorce process. Of course, only you can make that decision. Just know that you deserve far better than what she is giving you. No one deserves for their spouse to cheat, much less continue cheating while claiming to want to rebuild. No matter what you've done in the past, she is showing you who she really is in the present.
((HUGS))

Many of us have been where you are. I hung on and tried twice to reconcile, but she continued her relationship with OM. For counseling to work, there can be no third party involved. She's making her choice - keeping her OM. I'm sorry for your pain, and don't want you to set yourself up for even more pain, like I did, and like I've seen so many others do here.

I know it is hard to believe (I didn't at the time), but you will recover and have a great future. You can't even fathom that while you are in so much pain, but hold on to that thought - you will get there.

I am sorry for your pain. It is admirable for you to want to fix things, but it does take both people to have to want to make things work.
Sarah has told you she doesn't want to be married to you anymore, and the BIG HUGE red flag that supports her words is she still has the boyfriend. If it were me, I'd try and save myself from more heartache and let her go-------no contact and forget counseling where she is part of it. Go by yourself.
You deserve better than the heartache she is giving you.
Good luck

I am sorry, but with your messages back then you broke the most important thing in any relationship: trust!
My now ex did the same thing and I am here to tell you that something like that is never forgotten, it stays in the back of your mind.
With that said, she should have left if it wasn't working for her instead of becoming involved with someone else. Having both done to me by my now ex (he sexted AND physically cheated), I don't know if this is something that is fixable, specially since she is still carrying on with her affair.
If she were serious about staying with you, she'd drop the other person without ever looking back.
My ex recently told me how he messed up and how he now sees the error of his ways - however, he is still with the OW and not willing to give her up either.
I am with Aries1958 and Kbbcoop 77 - counseling while she is carrying on her affair is a waste of time, money and effort.