Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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How do you move on

islandgir1
islandgir1
I'm recently divorced for almost 3 weeks now, and it hurts so bad I just don't know how to deal with it.
After being married for 28 years he decided to end it. At first he said he just wanted to be alone, but after a few friends had come to me saying that they saw him with someone else at the bar and at our cabin I was devastated.
He's been unfaithful throughout our marriage and I've lost count on how many times he's had affairs. My stupidity for not ending it back then, but he'd always promised that he'd change, and I did love him and was hopeful.
He sends me texts, emails and or calls like we are old friends, but when his gal is with him he is cold as ice and rude to me. I don't contact him often only when there is legal matters concerning our divorce, my things at his house (our home we purchased together), and expect to be treated with more respect.
I need to get over him, its killing me that I'm hurting so bad and he is so happy.
I need to know how to move on
broken234
broken234
My stbx does the same. Tries to be all buddy buddy with me then when the OW is around is super cold and distant. Cut him off. Payback is a bitch. Don't be available when he feels like being your pal. He can go get that from his OW. Chances are he isn't getting that at the moment so he calls you. Well I am sick of my stbx thinking he can have his cake and eat it too. I am sorry about your pain though. You are better off without having a cheater in your life. Check out chump lady.com if you haven't already. It helped me a bit.
SassyV
SassyV
Agree...cut him oiff.
Mine is also a 28 yr relationship and he claims the affair stopped but he still keeps the OW employed and even hired her kid last summer.
I did Divorce Care group at a local church, individual therapy and BAN infidelity groups. I hike and do yoga classes. I will not kid you..it still hurts, but, it gets better with time.
lamarwilson
lamarwilson
I'm sorry you're having to go thru this after so many years. I wish I could tell you how to get over it quickly, but it takes time. A longggg time. You do deserve more respect, but cheaters don't respect anybody so don't expect it from him. You can have respect for yourself though by not talking to him outside of necessity. It's impossible to avoid all contact, but definitely don't fall victim to his friendly banter. My stbx tries to "be friends", but it's always when she needs something. Advice on her car, something around the house, some kind of favor. I told her friendship is based on trust, and I don't have any trust for her. When she decided to go outside the marriage she made the decision to be with someone else. If that guy isn't willing to fix her car, give her a ride to the airport, etc.. well then she picked the wrong guy. Those things are no longer my responsibility.
lostntx
lostntx
Islandgir1 i'm sorry for you having to go through this. I too am dealing with the end of a 28 year relationship. My stbx has already replaced me as well. I understand your pain. I'm in pain with you. I wish I had some magical advice to help you heal quickly. But I am still hurting and grappling with how to move on. I just want you to know you aren't alone. Like others here suggest, go to no contact as much as possible. I have kids so I can't be totally no contact. But I limit my contact to my kids and divorce issues. And then it's direct and to the point. We deserve to be treated with respect. And it should start with us learning to respect ourselves. I working on that now. Just keep reading and posting here. You are not alone!
happymama2j
happymama2j
No Contact is the way to go. Block his number, block his email address, change your number if you have to. Legal matters can go through your attorney. If you absolutely have to (not just "want to") keep some line open with him, make it clear to him that it's for business only. Put your foot down and stick to it. If you keep allowing him to call, email, text, etc, you are only prolonging the pain. He thinks he can have his cake and eat it too, even now. If you want to heal, you need to take yourself out of the equation. Otherwise, each contact you have with him just keeps ripping open the wound - it will heal slowly, poorly, and will be prone to nasty infection.
Big hugs and lots of strength to you.