Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members

100,360 Posts

0 Online

waddlesworth06 05/31/2013

My husband and I have been using pot for years. Now, I want to quit and he doesn't. We both have mental health issues as well. I have a peer support person who helps me with mental health and recovery. My husband doesn't like her. I'm waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop of him saying that my support is not allowed back. He is somewhat possessive and very jealous. We have children together, (2 ages, 10 and 7) plus I have a another from my first marriage (age 17). Also his mother lives with us. I'm a full time caregiver for her. We have been together for 15yrs but married 11yrs. He doesn't contribute to the household much if at all.

He says he still loves me but, I don't know if I love him anymore. I don't spend much time with him anymore. I haven't been in the mood for sex for awhile so, our sex life is almost nonexistent. As sad as it is it doesn't bother me. I really don't know what else to do. He won't go to counseling either.

I'm ready to start moving on if that is what it takes but what I'm trying to do is figure out is have I fallen out of love and is it over? How do I really know? I'm not asking if I should leave but trying to understand these feelings.

deleted_user 05/31/2013

I went through a similar thing before moving out on my STBX (not the pot-smoking, but drinking, anger issues and verbal abuse). I went to therapy to figure out what it is I was feeling and what I should do about it. I learned a lot from therapy, and decided it was a good idea to separate for a while so I could figure out if it is what I really wanted. Turns out it was. I didn't love him anymore. Just about everything about him turned me off. I really couldn't stand being around him anymore. I thought it was best to leave before I actually started hating him, figuring it would make it a little easier on the divorce process if we could be civil to each other. Well that didn't happen. We were supposed to take a year apart (the lease on my duplex was for 1 year) and work in our separate issues, then see where we were. I got served with divorce papers 6 months later, and now we are going through a nasty divorce (nasty on his part, I just want what's fair). So my advice would be to get into counseling to sort out your feelings. Therapy really can give you a different perspective on things - help you to see things from a different point of view. And be prepared to get into some nastiness if you do decide to leave. Good luck.

deleted_user 05/31/2013

Your husband has not right to attend to stop your peer support person and that's where you put our foot down.

I agree with cheryt that's it's time to get out and take your kids. After you get out, you may want to speak with a social worker to keep an eye on his mom because I suspect he will not help her. Don't take her with you because she is not your relative and you can't take on any more than you already have. Many hugs.

deleted_user 05/31/2013

sorry, my hands were hurting, I meant to type: "Your husband has no right to attempt to stop your peer support person"

deleted_user 06/01/2013

smoke em if you got em.

deleted_user 06/01/2013

nothing to do with your relationship... so dont hurt the cause.

waddlesworth06 06/01/2013

I support the cause, I just can't use personally anymore. I never said it had anything to do with my relationship. But it may play a part in it.

What is STBX?
I'm already in therapy but I'm going to bring it up at my next session.

I guess what I'm asking is what specific emotions were lacking that led you to know that it was over?

I haven't talked to him yet but he has started acting really sweet and loving for the last two days. I'm so confused.

deleted_user 06/01/2013

Ignore Anarchist. STBX means "soon to be ex".

deleted_user 06/03/2013

For me, I couldn't stand being around him anymore. Everything he did annoyed me. His personal habits annoyed me. And really just his general loathing of people in general made my skin crawl.

My STBX acted really sweet when I said I wanted out too. It was just an act. Once I left he got really nasty and has been ever since. Don't believe what they say, watch what they do.

Join the Conversation