Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Loved1 10/10/2008

I mean we were a public couple and though I avoid running into him or our old "croud", I run into mutual "aquaintances" who have NO IDEA of the torment and emotional abuse I have suffered from the ended relationship. I'm not yet out of the woods as far as completely healed, but I am out of the relationship. I journaled her on DS about a painful interaction today about some "well meaning" person not respecting my "I don't want to hear about him" plea, and they went ahead with it anyway. I want to see how you guys address people who want to give you the "scoop" when you don't want to know - people who you don't necessarily want to spill any details to. "I would prefer not making my ex a subject of conversation at this time."??? I need a tool to pull out of my pocket because I am not strong enough to deal with this but I don't want to isolate more than I tend to already. It has been life changing to rearrange my life to "avoid" what was so painful to me.

Thanks.

deleted_user 10/10/2008

I dealt with it until it didn't matter anymore. Seems people are always dying to tell you what they know.

Fortunately, for me, that was usually "she looks like crap."

But a "please, I'm not interested" might be a gentle way to establish boundaries.

deleted_user 10/10/2008

i had to cut a few ppl out of my life and put some friendships on hold til i'm healed

deleted_user 10/10/2008

I change the subject. Usually to something about them. Most people jump at talking about themselves. So for instance my response would be along the lines of , " Really? Hey I heard Suzie Q won her event last week." Or if I'm really desperate, the weather or politics. Just change the subject and keep doing it until the hint sinks in. Good luck.

deleted_user 10/10/2008

I do love to talk about myself.

You know who is awesome?

It is me.

deleted_user 10/10/2008

Also, when I'm asked a direct question about any aspect of my divorce, by neighbors and school people, I run away crying. That has helped a lot.

Nah, I should try it though. What I really do is say, I have no idea, and walk away. It's easy with nosy people I barely know.

deleted_user 10/10/2008

I don't know. Both his mother and his father, who are by the way divorced and don't live in the same state, keep updating me. It's like they want me to care about my stbx. I know they don't want it (the marriage)to be over. My stbx's father asked me again this week to stay in touch... My mother in law keeps calling me for family stuff and I don't mind helping, but I don't want to hear about the X. It gave me the blues the other night and I don't want to go there all the time.

hurtinandhealin2560 10/10/2008

I typically hear anything from my stepdaughter and sister-in-law, but I'm getting to the place where I don't really care what he's doing.

Fortunately for me, there are still a lot of people who don't know stbx and I have separated. I thought that news was fairly common knowledge but I guess it's not. He's doing a better job keeping the divorce a secret than he did the affair--lol.

deleted_user 10/10/2008

I moved to a different town.

deleted_user 10/10/2008

Just tell them you don't want to talk about it/him or the sitch.
If they keep on talking... move on and leave, excuse yourself politely.

deleted_user 10/10/2008

Now a days I start off by saying insert stbx name here who?" I do. I try my best to come across like I do not care. Usually people get the message. But like you I do not care to hear about her anymore.

deleted_user 10/10/2008

I am with lsn. I moved to a new place and started completely over. And... when I am up where her family is, I even avoid there house, so I don't even have to see her car. The car that I was the main signer. She co-signed.

I wish I could know how her great-grandparents are doing, however. But, I won't do anything to find out.

ChiTownBear 10/11/2008

I was lucky enough that after she left, I found out almost everyone I know was glad she was gone and didnt want me talking or thinking about her. So they didnt even bring her up. They tried everything they could to keep any news about her, away from me.

All you can do is try to block it out, or cut them short as they go on. let them know, politely, that you just cant take hearing about anything to do with him right now.

deleted_user 10/11/2008

just look them straight in the face and say, i'm sure you understand, that i don't want to talk about this. any respectful, thoughtful person will stop, those that don't, politely tell them, i have to go, perhaps i'll run into you later. i'm sure they will get the hint.

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