Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Haven't been to the site in a while, I thought I had everything figured out. I really did. You guys had helped me more than you'd ever know in those first few months after my seperation, and really helped me come out of it on top.
However, in the past few months, I think I've set myself up for failure...again.
Here's the deal (and I am sorry already for babbling)....so a few months back, I decided to contact a 'long lost love'....and wow - that's really the best way to describe it. Everything was wonderful, he was just as sweet, charming, sensitive, etc...we connected so well and things worked so nicely, that we decided to move in together (okay, I announced it to him). We have made many plans, we have talked about the future - he wants to have kids (more kids actually) which includes him getting a vasectomy reversal. Now, because of work and scheduling, he's even talking about moving to a town 6 hours away, just so that I am happy.
And wow - still - wow - its been seven months, and things are working out....in theory.
Here's the problem, and here's why Im back - for years before we hooked up this time, he was a cheater. Yep, that's right. And he is a flirter...
so, here's the question???
Do cheaters ever change their ways? Is there actually a chance that he has finally stopped....is it possible this was just a phase in his life?
Is it possible that I won't be just another stupid girl who doesn't listen?
Help please
However, in the past few months, I think I've set myself up for failure...again.
Here's the deal (and I am sorry already for babbling)....so a few months back, I decided to contact a 'long lost love'....and wow - that's really the best way to describe it. Everything was wonderful, he was just as sweet, charming, sensitive, etc...we connected so well and things worked so nicely, that we decided to move in together (okay, I announced it to him). We have made many plans, we have talked about the future - he wants to have kids (more kids actually) which includes him getting a vasectomy reversal. Now, because of work and scheduling, he's even talking about moving to a town 6 hours away, just so that I am happy.
And wow - still - wow - its been seven months, and things are working out....in theory.
Here's the problem, and here's why Im back - for years before we hooked up this time, he was a cheater. Yep, that's right. And he is a flirter...
so, here's the question???
Do cheaters ever change their ways? Is there actually a chance that he has finally stopped....is it possible this was just a phase in his life?
Is it possible that I won't be just another stupid girl who doesn't listen?
Help please
The only true way to know these things is to sit down and openly discuss your concerns and where you're at without being accusatory or imparting suspicion. Just talk from the heart. Hopefully you will find he has grown up and can treat what (or who) he has with the appreciation and respect deserved.
"Dont worry about people from your past, there is a reason they didn't make it into your future"
Its been years, I guess he could of grown up and changed.. people do change.. I don't believe once a something ALWAYS a something.. freewill is a beautiful thing and some do learn from mistakes..
Take your time, 7 months and already moving in together seems kind of quick.. don't rush it.. enjoy it..
It would worry me that he flirts, my husband looks at other women all the time and it destroys me and has really affected my self esteem. You could speak to him about how it makes you feel but if he is anything like my husband then he will probably deny it or say you are off your head.
I would be wary and take things slowly. make sure property is in your name and keep single bank accounts. i am sorry for being negative but just going on my own experience.
It is possible he has changed....or not.....why don't you have a discussion about it with him and see what he says. Tell him your concerns and see how he reacts to tough questions. Does he try to avoid the hard questions....will he run away when the going gets tough....
Cheating isn't a phase. It's a decision based on morals, values and character. My stbx 'had changed' so I married him. And here I am 3 OW later.