Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
How is it always so easy for the other party to stop emotions and act as if you're just any other person? That has been one of the hardest things for me to cope with. My fianc (ex) was my best friend as well and it's hard knowing that he has basically put a wall between us. I miss him so much but often wonder if he really misses me? This is hard.
I hope this doesn't sound like I lack compassion but in the long run, that "wall" between you will be good. While no contact and separation is horrifically painful and at times seems impossible and unbearable, it is actually quite necessary for you to start moving through your grief and moving on. If you're like I was, the thought of moving on is incomprehensible and heart wrenching. I, too, lost my love and my best friend a year and half ago. Eventually things will be ok again, I wish I could tell you when. All I can say is hang in there, you'll get there eventually. Hugs!
Being a guy and not the typical kind I can only have a theory about it. It is devastating to me and I am the type of person that cant handle a breakup well.
What I see though in a lot of men besides myself is that they do build a wall and they don't look back. If they did they would have to come to terms with what they have done and might feel guilt. Some people in general just don't care either way and can discard another person like trash and not think twice about it.
Second, as the other 2 said, sometimes the dumper (I've seen this in men AND women) just closes off their feelings. They don't want to deal with their own feelings, and they certainly don't want to deal with the feelings of the person they hurt. And if the person cheated or ended the relationship to move onto someone else (idk if that applies here or not, it might and you may not even know), then they may have a sense of guilt that goes along with ending it too, so then their denial and acting "fine" will be even more pronounced.
We can't look to the person who hurt us to be the one who helps us heal. It is definitely hard in the beginning. No Contact helps a lot, because talking to them or seeing them, or even hearing about them, keeps us stuck in that place. So even though the wall may seem harsh, in the long run it's actually helping us to move on.
happymama is spot on. I totally agree with what she said. only yesterday I realized that I have a choice to allow myself to be in constant pain and denial hoping she would come back or take care of myself and begin the healing process. Try and stay strong and remember they left us. We deserve better and someone who loves us as fully as we are capable of loving.