I'm new on here. Just got dumped after a 2 year relationship. We lived together and talked about marriage. Ultimately the cause was me being insecure, slightly jealous, stressing him out, not having my own happiness outside of him, etc. He got fed up and unhappy and chose to end it. Its been 4 days and I am devastated. I had to quit my job and leave our apartment to move in with my parents. I know my value to him...I'm attractive, gave the best gifts, always gave him space to play his video games, was interested in his hobbies and was very loving towards him. Unfortunately I acted a little desperate in the past few days until he ultimately sent me an email stating everything I've ever done wrong. Now I'm done contacting him for good.

The problem I'm having now is living with the regret that I caused myself to lose the life I wanted. I was always trying to fix myself. Always tried to take care of my mental health issues (anxiety) on my own because I couldn't afford therapy after college. I was at an unhappy temporary job and got stressed by the instability of it as well as not being able to find a permanent position. I wish I had never been acting those ways but I really tried to get a grip and I failed because I didn't have any support.

He has his faults too. He knows he wasn't romantic enough, didn't consider my feelings, somewhat verbally abusive at times, was inattentive, and didn't want to put effort into the relationship. I wasn't really allowed to speak up for myself without him telling me all the things I did wrong. I know that either his actions caused mine or mine caused his. Either way it's sad because I was the one who wanted to keep the relationship alive.

I just need some support and need to know how to stop thinking "what if.." so that I can move on.