Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I stupidly broke NC. Beating myself up for it now. All it was, was me asking via text about some items I left at the apartment that we shared, which turned into asking how his Thanksgiving was. During the time I was texting him, my family members were fighting in the other room and my parents were discussing divorce, which shocked me. I was suddenly vulnerable and told him about it which somehow spiraled the conversation into him being a cold, heartless jerk.
Every time I slip up in conversation, I try to redeem myself and it only makes it worse. It makes it clear that he doesn't want to talk to me but that just kills me inside. What was the purpose of loving him and being a great girlfriend if he's always going to remember me for how I acted AFTER the breakup?
Nobody is showing me any compassion. I have no true friends to talk to...my sister just yelled at me for talking to him and said "he doesn't want to talk to you and he shouldn't have to. He broke up with you. He doesn't care about you." Everyone acts like it's so easy to just walk away from the entire life I built. I have nothing now and he has everything. He kept the apartment, his nice job, his friends. I lost our apartment (living with parents now at age 23) and lost my job due to moving.
I know I messed up by breaking NC and I won't do it again. I don't need to hear any more insults or verification that I handled this breakup poorly. I already know. I just need some positive reinforcement to keep me going because honestly right now I don't see the point. Is there a chance life will do to him what he has done to me? Do exes eventually forget the post-breakup stuff and remember you fondly, or even regret it eventually?
Every time I slip up in conversation, I try to redeem myself and it only makes it worse. It makes it clear that he doesn't want to talk to me but that just kills me inside. What was the purpose of loving him and being a great girlfriend if he's always going to remember me for how I acted AFTER the breakup?
Nobody is showing me any compassion. I have no true friends to talk to...my sister just yelled at me for talking to him and said "he doesn't want to talk to you and he shouldn't have to. He broke up with you. He doesn't care about you." Everyone acts like it's so easy to just walk away from the entire life I built. I have nothing now and he has everything. He kept the apartment, his nice job, his friends. I lost our apartment (living with parents now at age 23) and lost my job due to moving.
I know I messed up by breaking NC and I won't do it again. I don't need to hear any more insults or verification that I handled this breakup poorly. I already know. I just need some positive reinforcement to keep me going because honestly right now I don't see the point. Is there a chance life will do to him what he has done to me? Do exes eventually forget the post-breakup stuff and remember you fondly, or even regret it eventually?
i have some posts in the infidelity and divorce after twenty forums
maybe it would be worth reading my "advice" and at least know not to do that.
it is not easy to "just move on" it takes time, a lot more than it should
please know that people / friends sometimes don't know what to say so they don't reach out not because they don't want to they just don't know how to start
take care, find someone to talk to (not a guy as he may be looking to ___)
most of all, go easy on yourself
I realize now that I just wasn't ready to yet. I think that no contact only works if you're ready to do it. And make it stick. The point of no contact is to give yourself the space that you need to heal but at first, right after a break up it can be difficult to not contact the person who was such a huge part of your life for so long.
I started my NC two weeks ago Friday. (This past Monday I graduated from college) on Thanksgiving my ex texted me and said :Happy thanksgiving, Congratulations on graduating, I'm so proud of you for completing it even though you hated it at times. Congrats doctor N"
I was soooo tempted to respond to this text message. I mean it was him contacting me and was friendly and nice. Not being mean or anything. It really really bothered me that he texted me... I couldn't think of anything else for the rest of the day and night and the next day.
But I didn't texted him back. I held to that NC promise.
You don't have to redeem yourself. do the NC for yourself. I understand that its impossible not to feel bad about the situation. I just want you to know that I'm in the exact same spot as you. So you're not alone.
I need to forget how he's feeling and dealing. He did agree to talk to me on the phone but it was very distant and weird. He just let me talk for a while, then told me he's still processing the breakup and therefore has no answers for me. He has turned into such an emotionally void person and I guess that's why I feel like he'll never regret this. It honestly seems like someone gave him a lobotomy because of how he acts now. I guess I'll use that as a reason to look at him like a ghost...someone I can't talk to, but can still remember fondly. Whatever he thinks or feels is his own now. I'm going to do things for me.
I'm proud of you for holding true to NC even when he texted you. I hope you go beyond 30 days so you don't fall back.
As I wrote in another post, I'm in the middle of what I'm calling a "slow-motion breakup." From the breakup conversation to when he completely moves out next Saturday, it will have been 3 weeks. Three devastating, tortuous weeks. During that time, there has been an unspoken agreement to not communicate via text or gchat or anything like that - we only talk in person, and only when we're both in the apartment we've shared. But I've broken that twice - once to offer my car when his wouldn't start (I needed him out of town for the holiday. It was worth the offer.), and one text to say Happy Thanksgiving. Both times I initially kicked myself, but this person has been an integral part of my life for years. I love him, and I'm going to slip up while I heal.
Treat yourself kindly. There's no easy way out of this, and setbacks aren't failures. As hard as it can be, just keep your focus on yourself, and on what you need to get through this. Many hugs.