I did MC, alanon, my own therapist,
And divorce care. I posted on here often
Too especially during separation and
Divorce phase it is pretty bad emotionally
For many of us.

Divorce care helps a lot with the grieving
And divorce process also with the spiritual
Aspect.

I went no contact after the decree and i
Moved out of town. Its been 18 months
And That helps you heal as you work on
yourself.

There is no painless way thru grief, its
Hard facing all the feelings and Emotions.
Its like a death except many times it was
Done willfully. Look up the stages of grief.
HUGS

I'm going through this as well. I was in an 18 year relationship 4yr marriage 4 children. I too thought this was my forever. Until I found about his infedelity that was happening while I was pregnant with our youngest daughter. It's so hard to move foward but you will do so. Try to make ur focus your future self. It's very hard . I cry everyday I free the tears and say that's all I will give to him today. It's one day at a time. Find support. There is really no real direction but u too will get through.

Hello, godhelpme1. I'm very sorry to learn of this tragic event in your life. I'm 34 and twice divorced. It is very tough but you can recover and move forward. I'd like to learn more about you and your circumstances instead of jumping right to presumptive advising. Could you share with us how long you were married, and if you have any children in the relationship?

I am in the same boat. 26 years together, 3 kids. It hasn't been perfect, but it was a life we built together and a life I want to continue to build with him. He hasn't left yet, but told the marriage counselor he's 70% checked out. I'm trying to learn to let go while holding on to hope. Right now I just talk to my supports, pray for all of us and keep telling myself I can't control the situation. Have faith that whatever the outcome is, we will be ok. Find peace in things that make you happy.

SpaceCowboy,

We didn't have children of our own, but she helped raise two sons from a previous relationship. Life was a struggle for us. Always just scraping by with finances. We somehow always managed. We decided to wait on having our own kids so that we could further our education and get better jobs. I supported her through most of her schooling. A bulk of the time I was the only one working so that she could concentrate on school. I also managed our budget, and took care of the household while she hit the books. Soon after she graduated and found a good job, she cheated on me. I would later find out that she was sleeping with multiple people over a three month period before I noticed a change in her behavior. I was fighting depression at the time, which stemmed from being burnt out from the stress of working and managing life for 5 people. On top of this she wanted a dog and, being the sucker I am, I agreed. That one dog turned into two dogs of course. I soon feel in love with these two dogs and treat them like my own children. After 10 yrs of marriage and everything I've done for her, she piles on more emotional baggage then decides that this life isn't for her. Now all she can she is we're broken and can't be fixed. I'm so mad that she messed everything in our life up and is washing her hands of everything and walking away like she has no emotional attachment to myself, the kids or even the dogs that she wanted. I left feeling suicidal everyday while she goes out drinking and partying 5 days out of the week. I just want to be able to let everything go and just move on, but for some reason I can't. I keep hoping that she will come to her senses and we can repair our life. I hate myself for having these attachments to her. I wish I could be the one to walk away without any emotions.

Well she sounds narcissstic and those are her
Issues. Hand them back to whoever they belong
to. We all need to own our part but take nothing
That does not belong to you.

Now you need to heal yourself as best As you
can. I just keep reaching out for support and help
To help me heal. I hope you have a good lawyer
And i really hope you have a good therapist too.

After the divorce and decree the healing can start.
Its still will be a rollercoaster and it takes time. Let
Yourself grieve your losses good or bad does not
Matter, grief is grief.

Yes detaching from her will take you awhile stay
As close to no contact as possible. We all have to
Move thru the separation and divorce the best we
Can and then try to move on and heal. HUGS

Thank you Mirandac. I have appointments with my therapist scheduled. Also considering taking antidepressants and anti anxiety medications. I don't want to rely on medication to get me through this hard time but In my current state I don't know if I have a choice. Also scared of a major side effect of those medications is suicidal thoughts. Not sure if it is the best option right now. My mind just keeps defulting to death being the only escape from this suffering. I'm fighting so hard each and every day, but the pain seems to be winning lately. My head can't stay clear and when I try to do homework or when I'm at work, the thoughts of her slice through every thing in my mind. I just want to forget everything. I wish I never even met her

She found so many reasons to justify her cheating. Then she claimed to have tried to make our relationship work after I found out about her cheating, but while she was supposedly trying, she continued to sneak around. I never did anything to deserve this kind of treatment. How can people even think about doing this kind of stuff to another person

And you know what, even with all the justifications. She never once came to me to talk about her being unhappy. I sacrificed so much of myself to make her happy and all I got in return was getting treated like I have the plague

You are not alone, glad you made a therapist
appointment good first step. Divorce care will
Help a lot too or divorce biuilders if you have
Any in your area.

What you need to do is keep building yourself
Up and stay no contact as much as possible.

I never took meds, i have tried some supplements
They can have side effects too. I had been in alanon
For two years before we separated so that helped
Me a lot when the time came. HUGS

Sorry for what you are going through, I am too. Today would've been our 23rd anniversary but instead we are signing the papers for the sale of our house.. I'm angry, sad, confused....I did well up until today. We've been separated a few months on and off and then he got an apartment. I move in 2 weeks. Horrible experience anyone can go through. I'm glad for this site, hang in there as well.

Sending you a hug Mazie, i made it one month
Shy of 30 years. He got the house, debt and all
His possessions. I am the free agent not him. I
Hope i can heal soon and start to feel normal
Again And start to lead a happier healthier new
life Without him in it, that feels like a mountain
many days. HUGS

Feel this way everyday and still haven't moved on. The best thing to do is take it day by day and thank God for each day that you make it through.

It's a testament to what a great guy you are that you care and hurt so much. I promise it will get better. What you are feeling is normal but do get counseling and support, even more than the medication. You will feel angry, then sad, and back again before you get through this. I can assure you that she is not okay; she is just medicating herself through life and has cut off her heart a long time ago. One day you will see, she is to be pitied. In the meantime, go on long walks/hikes with your dogs. It has helped heal me. Prayers for you and hugs...