Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,009 Members
100,360 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

How do I handle my anger?

26yearsgone
26yearsgone
I am 10 months post-separation and my anger has erupted the last few weeks in totally inappropriate ways. My 16 year old daughter has born the brunt of a few of my outbursts recently. Unfortunately my outbursts are often peppered with "f" words. This is not the example I want to set for my daughter and she doesn't deserve it. I have apologized after but it is obviously affecting my relationship with her. Unfortunately I don't seem to have any warning signs of a pending outburst. It just seems to come out of nowhere and is suddenly triggered by feeling pressured or by a comment that has affected me the wrong way. I am usually quite composed but the pressure of dealing with everything on my own (ie, teenage daughter, house, aging parents, starting a new career, ex wanting to cut payments, hormones, etc) is having an affect on me. I swear if my stbx even comes near the house, I'll take a baseball bat to his car. I just feel like crawling into bed and never coming out. Any suggestions?
Missy73
Missy73
I can very much relate to how you feel. I have had countless fantasies involving golf clubs, buses, bullet trains and the like. Initially therapy helped with the anger. Later I benefited from Divorce Care. Using the journal feature on this site helped a lot as well. No matter which method you choose, it will get better in time even if it doesn't seem that way right now.
patti22
patti22
You talk it out in front of her, and do whatever it takes, and if that means going to bed, then for the short term...that's what you do. It's better than dumping on someone else.

Personally, while I was going through my divorce I took a hatchet to a tree I wanted to cut down. Sure I could have paid someone, or used a saw, but it was VERY cathartic. My neighbor thought I was nuts, and never thought I'd get the tree down...HA. I showed him, and that tree!

I also used to draw pictures of my ex on toilet paper...then use the toilet paper...(I didn't let my kids see that.)

It's also just possible that you need to get away for a few days. Can you swing a short minor vacation? Or go to visit friends?
mynewnormal
mynewnormal
counseling is a great idea.. someone to help you talk through how your feeling, and deal with those emotions..

there is SO much going on.. and like you said its overwhelming! divorce is not just a 'singular' event.. its not JUST our spouse gone.. its everything in our lives reshifted.. and finding a new way to maintain.. its understandable your having bursts of anger.. maybe some vigorous exercising would help too?

I love the idea of a mini get a way.. if you can swing it.. just leave town for awhile.. catch your breath.. your doing the best you can, and thats one hell of a LOT.. so give yourself a break, and give yourself space.. :)
Aries1958
Aries1958
I've experienced moments with my two sons where younger where without a warning, I displayed my anger onto my children. I soon realized that my angry feelings were channeled in the wrong direction. It was my ex husband that I wanted to get at. In other words, being mindful helped me.

Lots of luck to you.
playerapr
playerapr
I'm so sorry for your pain. I also went through anger outburst with my kids before and after divorce. I felt terrible cause I knew I was just channeling my anger towards them - I try to control as much as I could or just go out for a drive, breath some fresh air and sometimes I just needed some alone time. I would also take showers and I just cried which help with the anger. Eventually is subsided.
Stay strong - it does gets better.
foundlove
foundlove
It's good to talk things out with therapist/counselor. I think journaling, painting, exercise are good ways to manage stress. If you have friends or family to talk to about problems I think that would help.