I guess I'm posting this because I want to tell my story, and hear others tell me that they know how I feel because this happened to them - or something similar.

I'll give you the short story about my divorce: We met in 2000, moved in together in 2001, and were married in 2003.

In the summer 2009, to my total shock, he told me one morning out of the blue that he didn't want to be together anymore. We talked it out, and he said he changed his mind. A few weeks later I found out that when I had been out of town (and just before his shocking announcement) he had reconnected with an old girlfriend. I confronted him, and he admitted to having "inappropriate e-mails" with her, but insisted that they had not slept together. Then the OW blogged a bunch of poetry, and so I went and read it, and the whole story of the affair was right there in front of my eyes: She lives out of town and was in town for a short visit. They hooked up (apparently in my "marital" bed) and he said he would leave me. She waited for him and then he broke her heart when he decided to stay with his wife. Again, I confronted him with the poetry to get him to admit that he had had sex with her. He said she was crazy with an overactive imagination and that he only had "inappropriate e-mails" with her, which he already apologized for. I believed him.

Fast forward to the end of 2010, another old girlfriend gets stabbed at a bar by her boyfriend. (I know. Totally ridiculous and white trash.) She lives. He feels bad for her and visits her while she is recovering. Eventually, it is too much for me, and I tell him to cut it off. Then he starts visiting her behind my back. One night I catch him hanging out with her, he freaks out and leaves the house --- right then --- and doesn't speak to me for 2 months. I finally file for divorce, and after I give him the papers, he returns home. He admits to having sleeping with this ex and another woman during the 2 months, but never apologized because he justifies it as we were "broken up." I am still in love with him and want to make the marriage work, so I take him back.

The next five years I tried to make it work, but eventually got to the place where I wanted it to end. At the beginning of last summer, he threatened me with divorce (like he always did when we fought), but this time I called him on his bluff and said okay. He began sleeping in the downstairs bedroom and I didn't take any of his paycheck. He just sat around on the couch watching movies for 5 months. I let him get ready to leave on his own time, and finally he picked November 1 as the date.

On October 26 (only one week from his planned departure), he stays out all night and doesn't pick up his phone. I am worried and also freaked out because I knew he was going to meet a girl that had just responded to an ad he put on craigslist a couple of days before. I know we were already getting divorced, but I just felt that it was hurtful to me while he was still living under my roof, and all he had to do is wait one week and then he could do whatever he wanted. I couldn't sleep and when he finally came home at 11:30 the next morning, I confronted him. He lied to me and told me that he was with friends and not a woman. Then he took the opportunity to turn everything around on me and put me down. By the end of the conversation I was crying and apologizing to him!

Two days later I found a receipt that confirmed that I was right. I texted him that I knew he had lied. He sent me a bunch of angry texts, went home from work and got his stuff and was gone before I got home. Just 3 days after he met this new girl he moved in with her.

We have not spoken since. On November 25 our divorce was finalized.

This week I read an e-mail in his account from the OW from 2009. (I know, I shouldn't be looking. But the messed up thing is that I think he doesn't change his password so that I will see these things and be hurt.) Anyway, the e-mail confirmed --- both in his and her words --- that he did in fact have sex with her back in 2009. In particular, the conversation went something like: She asked if we god divorced because of his "philandering." He responded that sleeping with her was actually the only time he had been "unfaithful" (because remember, the other times didn't count according to him). This just pisses me off so much because I had the right to be told the truth back in 2009 when this first happened. Had I known the truth, I might have made different decisions and been able to avoid some of the hurt later on. It really was unfair of him to lie to me!

The e-mail also confirms that this new girl he lives with now and him are "in love" and get this --- unlike me, he knows the new girl is "being honest with him."

Argh. I am so frustrated right now. I know we are divorced, but this really gets my goat. And I can't believe that he can meet a girl on Saturday night, move in with her on Tuesday afternoon, and then be "in love" three months later. I want to puke! Even though this divorce is something I want, I have still been crying every day and processing, and trying to remember the good times and have good thoughts about him and our 14 years together.

I am so angry with him right now. How could I have stayed with this jerk for so long? I actually feel sorry for this new girl. She has no idea what she has gotten herself into. For example, at the end of the letter to the 2009 OW my ex says that maybe if it doesn't work out with the new girl they can give it a go later on. Doesn't sound like someone "in love" to me.

Thanks for listening.