Thank you so much for your kind words. I was so determined to make our marriage work within the last year, and wanted to keep our family together...however, I don't feel that I can get past the lack of trust. He wanted the best of both worlds and I couldn't live that way.

I do have a 'family of friends' that are supportive, however, no one truly knows how it feels unless you've felt this pain, and even then each situation is unique.

The OW has been married and divorced three times, I'm not sure why he thinks he would be different, but he is hell bent on finding out?

Im sorry that your going through this. He walked away from your life the moment he had an affair. I think its such bullshit when men say they wandered to someone else because of something you did. Give me a bloody break. He felt unloved by you because you were trying to raise a family? Really? If he needed someone to stroke his ego he should have went home to his Mama or something. I can understand the heartbreak and the fact that your idea of what you thought your life was going to be has now been totally ripped from you. Its the hardest part I think. Youre going along in life, doing your part, raising your kids and then boom it falls apart. I get it. The good news is that you are not alone. Lots have went through the same thing and while it may take some time to grieve and recover, you will and you will get a whole new idea of what life will be like. Doesnt mean it will be easy but it will get easier. The main things you need to do right now is 1) get a lawyer 2) take care of yourself. Eat right, gets as much sleep as you can, exercise if you can 3) keep active. Go out and do things for yourself, so your friends, take the kids places. Just dont sit and stew about things. An idle mind is a dangerous thing right now. and 4) find a good therapist. There are going to be lots of feelings and things you need to reconcile and figure out and you are in the middle of a shit storm right now. You cant do it alone. A therapist will help you figure out how to deal with all the feelings and help you transition to your new life. I hope he doesnt turn into a real ass going forward and you guys can work together to make sure the kids are okay and details can be worked out as easily as possible. This is a good place. Lots of people here have been in the same boat you are. It may not be okay today or next week or next month even but it will be eventually.

He can walk away from your life simply because he is selfish and his needs and wants come before yours or the children's. I'm guessing they always have.

Actually, he has always put our kids first, and was pretty good about being fair with our needs...that was one of his gripes...that he felt like he put everyone and everything first for so long, and now it was his turn to be selfish...
How does that fit in to the long term, secure marriage/life/family that we have built? It doesn't. So, although I have been forgiving and graceful during this time, I hope that he figures out real quick just how "lonely " that "selfish" move will feel!

"" and now it was his turn to be selfish...""
That sounds familiar. My ex wife laid that same line on me after 24 years..turned out it meant she was already screwing someone else. I would get a lawyer and divorce him, sorry but he's just not committed and you certainly can't trust him

@kbbcoop77, that's exactly what I did. I have a great lawyer...he agreed to our proposal (probably out of guilt) and it has been submitted to the courts. I am just so heart broken. Obviously, he was checked out a lot sooner and I had no idea (nor anyone around us)...and I am just now playing catch-up... His mom of course thinks I should give him more time "to come around", however, I know that I can't get past the infidelity and will never trust again, so it's better this way. I'd rather be sad and alone that cheated on and miserable.

Strength, keep up the good work do not listen
To his momma. My MIL was my ex's biggest
Enabler, he went running to her for support
A lot longer than i knew about.

I was left in the dark about a lot of things so
Much in your post i could say the same, entitled,
Ego stroking, selfish, bored with his life, thrill seeking.

Once they start there is no coming back at least not
In my case. He was checked out long ago. There was
No longer trust or faith left, if they respect you and love
you They do not cheat. Mine was cheating in his heart that
I know for a fact wether he did anything physically before
He left it really Does not matter one way or another. HUGS

Thanks, @mirandac, for sharing! I was really feeling like maybe I was the crazy one... my MIL was almost making me believe that I should have given us more time.
You are right, physical or not, doesn't matter. They are checked out and do not care about the path of destruction they are creating. Hugs right back!

I asked my ex right after he left and he had asked for
a divorce so he could have a better relationship with
This woman, he said yes he did have sex after He left.

I did all the std testing, Like i really believed him to be
an honorable and trustworthy man. HUGS