I'm in the same boat, except my husband won't even try counseling, he just wants out. We have a family together and yet all he wants is to tear it apart.

I hear you. Just keep reminding yourself that you deserve better. I'm so sorry for your pain. I truly am.

I am so sorry for your pain and devastation. I am in that same place and the pain gets so unbearable sometimes, I think I will explode. I go into a closet and scream and cry to try to let the pain out. My husband left me 3 years ago, almost to the day. Right before Thanksgiving. It blindsided me because I thought we were doing better than ever. Our marriage was always up and down, but I really wanted it to work. We have one child, 16 1/2 years old. When he left 3 years ago, she was so devastated, she didn't talk to her dad or see him for over a month. We eventually reconciled, and went to joint counseling for several sessions. I don't know why we stopped the sessions, but we did and life went on. We still continued to argue over the same stuff, but I thought we were getting better about communicating. However, slowly, over time, we drifted apart again and he began telling me how he's changed and how we are such different people, etc. I agree, but still held out hope we could make our family work. Today, he told me he came back 3 years ago because he missed our daughter. Talk about being sucker punched! I feel like the last 3 years, if not more, have been a lie. I get angry and blast him, I'm so hurt. But, I pray that I will kill any feelings I have left for him, including hate. I don't want to feel anything for him, if that's possible.

I'm not helping you any with my spewing !! But, when I read your post, I could feel your pain, and I wanted to let you know, you are not alone. You are not the only one in this situation, and I believe, somehow, someday, we WILL get through this. Prayers to you.

Thank you. And it does help to hear others who are going through or have gone through the same thing. Plus, if it helps you cope, feel free to talk about it all day. I write on here all the time and it's become cathartic for me. It's just all still so raw. I literally don't know what to do, and it's affecting my job performance. I really don't even want to be at work anymore. It's painful to be there. I am just devastated and can't figure a way out. Sucks badly.

I just had a meltdown recently when my X brother in law passed away. It's been almost 2 years since my X left to go to someone else. After my meltdown I prayed and now I am trying to focus on me and keep myself open to Gods leading. I am talking to people, going to support groups and sharing here. I don't know what your beliefs are, just sharing where I am right now. I met the X when I was 27 and I am now 65. It does get better but I have to feel my feelings and it's hard.

Are You Coming?

“God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places” (Habakkuk 3:19).

I usher you into My presence. I come, to overwhelm you, all your senses, all your memories. I am bigger than your greatest fear. I am bigger than your greatest hope.

It’s time to not be timid now. It’s time to let Me come rushing in, my presence energizing you, bringing you forward, leading you to what I have.

I have healing for your heart. I have healing for your past. I have hope for your tomorrow. I have hope for your today.

You can stay in the same place, if you want to. You don’t have to trust Me. You don’t have to let Me in. You can hear my voice here and still hesitate, unsure what loving Me, what trusting me, will require. You can let fear and uncertainty be your guide, and not my voice, my greatest desire for your good, my richest love for you.

Do you anticipate Me coming? Do you look for Me and expect for Me to show up? Do you await Me, eyes open, heart ready? Are you willing and ready to follow Me, when I say to you, “Daughter, rise, I have more for you; it is time for you to lift your head. It is time for you to go forward and let yourself be rescued and then go and rescue, too?”

I created you with strength within you. I created you with beauty tangible. I created you with goodness and love pouring into you to pour out.

You are no small thing, while a wisp of breath. You inhabit my glory. You inhabit Me, and I inhabit you. This—the place we inhabit together—is the place where you can move around, feel freedom, breathe in joy and let my light, for others, shine.

I made you to be humble, but not meek. I created you to walk with lifted head, proclaiming my name, showing this world you are loved. For the reality of being loved and known and made and wanted and perfected in faith is what allows you to go forward, grasping hold of my hand, pulling other daughters out of darkness, too.

Are you comin

My wife did the same after 24 years together...I was absolutely devastated...this was almost 3 years ago. Once you accept its over and set boundaries to protect yourself you start healing. Fighting for something that the other person clearly doesn't want is, in my experience, a lost cause. Today I've been talking to a gal I knew years ago that also got cheated on and dumped by her husband so we have common history that we both can relate to. I can feel I'm starting to fall for her and let me tell ya I never ever thought I would feel that again. You can't rush it, you have to go through the hell of the pain to appreciate the possible future. I would do whatever it takes to separate from your stbx and cut her off as much as possible. Our kids are adults now, our daughter wasn't when she split but she is now and so I don't talk to my ex AT ALL. Zero. No text emails NOTHING. Only when I chose to take this approach was I able to detach. It sounds impossible but if I got through it anyone can. I was on anti depressants and Xanax for a time but nothing now. You'll make it.

Did not know the last part posted, this is something I copied and pasted for myself earlier.

So sorry to hear of all the pain you're going through. Is there a reason you haven't moved out of the house? It seems like staying would make it harder to begin the healing process, so just wondering....

Would be difficult financially on both of us, and I want to stay where my kids are. Also, don't believe I should be the one who is moving. Meanwhile, she went iyt with a friend this evening and is not home yet. I shouldn't care but it's killing me.

An abandoned spouse has change forced upon them. A change we don't want and even resist accepting. We lived in a family relationship for many years and embraced it. It is even human nature to desire such a lifestyle. Then hate and evilness invades our spouse and they crush us like we are their enemy. Loss in the present and fear for our future fill our minds. It affects other aspects of our life. It's like having a sickness or a broken leg, it impedes our freedom to live normally. It's such a shame. We live in a fallen world full of hate and sin. I guess suffering is as common as the sun rising every morning.

What if you refuse to engage in fights with her? Can you continue to love and pray for her and show her the love she doesn't "deserve?" This is unconditional love. It may help her, but it will probably help you even more if you can do it.

What'a funny to me is she takes blame for all of this, but is unwilling to be held accountable. She blames herself for what has happened, but still thinks it should be me who moves out, and she keeps the kids in our house. It baffles me that she thinks that's ok.

And I do love her inconditionally. That's the biggest part of the problem. I can't stop. I wish I could. It would make things much easier.

I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. Situations like this are difficult, and it's pretty obvious that you want to have a good marriage. I just said a prayer for you and your wife, and I hope that God will bring healing and reconciliation to your marriage. Sending hugs & prayers your way!

Thank you. I really appreciate it. Not sure there are enough prayers in the world to save our marriage, but any thought or prayer is well appreciated.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such painful struggles in your marriage. That's really good you both agreed to go to counseling. It's a great start, and I'd encourage you both to keep going. My husband and I found counseling to be very helpful for problems we've been going through, but it took a little while to be able to see the progress we were making. There is no quick fix to re-building trust. Time, communication and counseling are good steps to take!