OK so talk about a night and day that has really sucked. Found out last night that my STBX is on an online dating site, full profile with pics. Our divorce is not final yet. This is the same man that accused me of cheating, being a "sl.." and a "who.." and "having a plan to move on to someone else who was lined up" at the end of our marriage. Keep in mind he asked me 4 times for a divorce, the last time giving me uncontested papers to fill out, taking off his wedding ring (which he never put on again) , e-mailing my son that we were getting divorced. Like the other 3 times I said no I do not want a divorce but when he brought it up again the next day I felt as though I couldn't fight it anymore and said OK. Understand there is so much more to the divorce story, he had not spoken to my 16 year old, even to say hello, in 3 years, besides a couple of blow-ups. And so many other issues with his family/daughter as well, who he has chosen to not speak to for 4 years or acknowledge his 2 grandkids. Never has met them.

Anyway then he proceeded to, I guess, change his mind? asking like 5 times if "I really wanted to do this?" Since, at that point I was moving forward because I didn't think I could trust anything else with him and he was acting crazy, stating no more counseling and wanted to continue to not speak to my son, I had turned that corner. Then the divorce became "my idea" and I was basically deserting him. This is the story he tells everyone, conveniently leaving out the 4 requests/threats for a divorce by him. So he goes from asking me to please stop this divorce "because it is a mistake" and a relationship"like ours is too hard to find"...to being on a dating site in like 3 weeks? Stating he is divorced in the ad which he isn't!!!! I am a fool, completely naiive to have ever trusted him. And of course I wonder if he could have ever loved me. I wonder if anything he told me was true. I feel completely disregarded and feel stupid for grieving at all over him.

Of course I broke no contact last night. I had to let him know that I knew he was "online dating" before we are even officially divorced due to the abusive untrue things he said to me before he moved out. Then I got mutiple texts and somehow this has been turned around to my fault-like usual? And that isn't it ironic that "BTW you disregard God's law about marriage with no problem, but call me a hypocrite for disregarding man's law about divorce? That's rich with irony! You can't see a double standard there? Wow" and admits he's been online for 3 weeks but I think he was online before he moved out...the hits just keep coming....how would you ever trust another realationship after all this shit.....sometime Minidogs life does just suck.....