Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I've come to the conclusion that #4 is going to be a better fit to who he is now than i ever would have been. She's in to the country lifestyle of putting up stuff and canning stuff, etc. That's the lifestyle he was brought up in. Same kind of religious beliefs and same type of church that he was brought up in. Etc. When I met him he claimed to be buddhist. he changed religions over the years but even when we were attending a church together because he wanted to, he never wanted to be involved. Just church. But now he's very involved in a church much like the chuch of his youth.He's kind of returned full circle I guess to that kind of country lifestyle. and it's fine. But he wasn't that way all the years I knew him. I was brought up a city girl. I don't know or have much interest in those kinds of things. It didn't matter before. But, he changed. He's the type of person who is constantly wanting to change ("improve") himself. Always going back to college for more education. Always learning about something else, etc. I'm not that way. I'm satisfiied with who I am. My career and my education.When he was married to #2 he talked her in to teaching as an adjunct at a local jr college. She didn't want to but ended up loving it and still does it. I never would let him talk me in to stuff like that. It was always stuff I didnt have interest in and I just didn't want to. I didn't want to be "working' when i was off work. not in a garden, not anything. I am lazy and I admit it. This one, #4 is taking classes and when she finishes this course of study is planniing to take another. She just seems more on the same wave length with who he is NOW.
It doesn't excuse him for lying to me, cheating on me (emotionally), lining her up as #4 before even letting me know he was unhappy, etc. Nothing justifies or excuses that.. But she does seem better for him
I used to think one of our strengths was that we didn't try to change each other. Now I'm seeing it's maybe a good thing to try and constructively challenge each other to bring out the best in each other. But, I dont know. I like myself the way i am and don't deal well with someone trying to improve me. Sorry this was so long...just thinking out loud I guess.
It doesn't excuse him for lying to me, cheating on me (emotionally), lining her up as #4 before even letting me know he was unhappy, etc. Nothing justifies or excuses that.. But she does seem better for him
I used to think one of our strengths was that we didn't try to change each other. Now I'm seeing it's maybe a good thing to try and constructively challenge each other to bring out the best in each other. But, I dont know. I like myself the way i am and don't deal well with someone trying to improve me. Sorry this was so long...just thinking out loud I guess.
But any any rate, I'd stop thinking, as best I could, about what he's up to now and who he's with. It won't help you to heal if you dwell on him. I know it's hard, believe me, but whenever thoughts turn to him, or her, redirect yourself to something about you - something positive. Have to retrain your brain.
I always state... this is what I would do... this is what I enjoy...you can try it and be part of it if you like, and it's okay if you choose not to.
We live in a small rural town. I will always know what he is up to and who he is with, but that isn't the point. I've always thought we were very well suited to each other and we were. I'm realizing though that she is better suited for the type of life he wants now. Recognizing that helps me a great deal.