I am currently in that unhappy marriage . I am just starting and pushing for a divorce, but he is fighting it at this point still. What scares me the most is the thought of struggling on my own financially. But being under the same roof with someone who is focused only on his needs and is basically shut down emotionally and physically for more than 10 years is far more lonely to me too.

I wish you all the best in the new year. Here's hoping it is better for both of us. :)

you said were married, so are you divorced or separated

Veggie I hear you and was in the same boat. That is still my biggest fear is the financial. This is my second time around and the first time I left an emotionally abusive ex (who later I found out was a ped) with 2 small children and I was a stay at home Mom. He was financially irresponsible but my gut said go and I am so happy I did. I got 2 years of support and the rest I have managed and my kids are both adults and working so easier this time
We were not married long so I won't get much support but I am self employed and moved to a different town and starting all over. Yes, I am scared for sure but the relief I feel of not the constant stress, I am a pleaser and now it is just me. I do hear you though
Nightfire, yes I filed for divorce and it is with the lawyers. Where I live we can bypass the separation and go just to divorce, I am living separately while we finish this step

I was taught from early on to be a people pleaser and have always gone above and beyond to do for others (often at the expense of my own well being). What you speak of....being just you ..... I do look forward to that .

This morning (Jan 1) as I begin my new journey with my new outlook toward that happier, healthier existence....he has needed me to do a couple things for him. Then he wondered why I didn't make him a special breakfast (since i am off again today) moments like that remind me how peaceful it will be when I no longer have someone barking orders every time I sit down.

I do envy you about now. lol

I think a lot of females where raised as pleasers, I hear. you as sometimes I didn't know who I was. I am still figuring that out. When I read what you wrote about today, I totally understand that one. I always felt with my ex that I could never do enough. Like the bar he set, if I was almost reaching it, he would move it higher. So never satisfied and it is exhausting and leaves you just sad.
Just take baby steps and do what feels right for you, in the end it is all about the timing and trust you will just know