Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So I have taken him back with his mental unstableness and financial mishaps. So he got paid last week spent his money on pair of tennis shoes and is depressed today bc his account is overdrawn and here I sit in his depression because he is broke now. This just takes me back to why I wanted to leave him before. Any comments?
My experience with people is that everyone has a "spending zone" with money.
If someone gave $100 to everyone on this forum, we'd all do something different with it. Some would save all of it and still have it a year from now. Some would have it spent before they even got home.
His spending zone is in the negative. It won't matter if he's given one dollar, five, ten, or ten thousand. Ten thousand sounds great, but with people who are comfortable in the negative...it can get them into deep deep financial trouble really quickly.
Financial advice that including giving money to charity, often works to try to break people from that cycle. Sometimes it works...often it doesn't.
So that's my 2 cents on money.
My thoughts on your relationship is this:
Nothing's changed with him. Has anything changed with you? Do you want to be continually bailing him out?
This cycle will carry on for years if you let it... unless you are willing to break it.
If you can't find the strength to leave for that reason do it before he affects your financial situation/credit. Hugs!
As far as the financial aspect, there is an excellent program from Dave Ramsey called Financial Peace which is easy to use and helped me learn that usually one person in the relationship is the free spirit or spender and the other one is the realistic bill payer. These two are opposites and will always be a problem until they learn to look at finances together in a relationship. Regardless if you are young or old, the program is simple and is so helpful to everyone. Finances is a huge program for many couples and if they could learn to communicate about the finances and work together, that wouldn't be a problem for them anymore. Just a thought. Good luck.
If you feel the same with him as you did before he left you have your answer. If you are willing to feel this way with him--that is a choice, too.
It is truly up to you where you want to be. I know it is difficult giving up a relationship, because I am still sad and missing my husband. He was also unstable emotionally (meth).
I could not longer accept who he was being in our relationship. My life had become unmanageable. While I wish he was the same person I married, he is not and so now I bear my pain and sadness and slowly but surely I inch through the healing process--with help from therapy, yoga, mediation, family, friends, my dogs, and painting my flat.
I imagine it will take about a year or so and I will brave it. There is something great on the other side, or at least I believe this.
Do you believe there is something great on the side you are on now? If not, do you believe there could be something great for you on the other side of this relationship? Can you bear some pain and healing for a while to find out?
Sending you a hug. I know how hard it is to take the jump.
I am lonelier, but not forever. I am doing new things now and making plans for a new start in life. I was in your shoes so I know it is a leap of faith--but from this side I am telling you there is possibility after change.
Sending you a hug.