ABOUT 7-ALMOST 8 MONTHS AGO I MET A MAN WHO I THOUGHT WAS GREAT ! AND OK HERE COME THE LAUGHS- HE WAS GONNA BE MY PRINCE CHARMING RIGHT? WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG - SO WRONG ! WE HAD AN ON AGAIN / OFF AGAIN RELATIONSHIP WHERE WE GOT TOGETHER AND BROKE UP 16 TIMES IN THOSE 7 MONTHS. I KEPT THE RELATIONSHIP GOING DESPITE THE FACT THAT I KNEW HE WAS MARRIED- I KNOW I AM STUPID AND CALL ME WHAT U WILL...DURING ALL THIS TIME HE WAS TRYING TO GET ME PREGNANT AND WHEN HE FAILED I WAS TOLD IT WAS MY FAULT- HE ACTUALLY LOOKED AT ME AND SAID " MAYBE U JUST CAN'T HAVE BABIES"- THAT CUT ME DEEP... HIS WIFE AND I BECAME I GUESS U COULD CALL IT " FRIENDS FOR THE MOMENT" OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT--- I WOULD CALL HER AND SAY HE IS ON HIS WAY BACK TO YOU- AND SHE WOULD CALL ME AND SAY- IS HE TALKING TO YOU AGAIN- AND U KNOW HE IS GONNA KEEP DOING THIS RIGHT? I REALLY WISH I WOULD'VE PUT MY HEART AND MY PRIDE ASIDE AND LISTENED TO HER- WE DID END UP MEETING IN PERSON- BECAUSE I HAD MOVED INTO THE HOUSE AND SHE HAD MOVED OUT- AND THEN HE CHANGED HIS MIND AND WANTED HER BACK AGAIN- SO I HAD PREPARED MYSELF FOR A BEAT DOWN RIGHT- WRONG AGAIN- SHE COMES UP TO ME AND GIVES ME A HUG AND TELLS ME NOT TO BE NERVOUS- THAT NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT AND THAT I'M PRETTY...AND SO I LOOKED AT HER AND SAID THANKS YOUR PRETTY TOO? WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAY?! THIS WAS AN AWKWARD SITUATION TO SAY THE LEAST ... WELL THIS WENT ON AND FINALLY RIGHT AFTER CHRISTMAS- WE BROKE UP FOR THE FINAL TIME ONLY NOW I FIND MYSELF ALONE AND WORRIED BECAUSE I AM A WEEK LATE AND THERE IS A 50/50 PERCENT CHANCE THAT I'M PREGNANT AND IF SO- THIS IS HIS BABY ! THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM HE SAID THE WORDS THAT HURT ME THE MOST- HE LOOKED AT ME IN THE EYES AND AS TEARS WERE ROLLING DOWN MY FACE - HE SAYS- "I'M SORRY I COULDN'T LOVE U THE WAY THAT U LOVE ME". AND AT THAT MOMENT I ACTUALLY FELT MY HEART STOP AND I COULD JUST PICTURE IT SHATTERING INTO A MILLION PIECES AND FALLING ON THE FLOOR.. HE HAS GONE BACK TO HIS WIFE AND THEY ARE HAPPILY TOGETHER AGAIN- I JUST WONDER HOW LONG ITS GONNA BE BEFORE HE FINDS ANOTHER FOOL LIKE ME TO BUY HIS PRETTY WORDS AND SWEET GIFTS AND MAKE THEM BELIEVE HE LOVES THEM. I DO FEEL STUPID IN ALL THIS AND WISH THAT I HADN'T DONE IT- I SIT HERE WITH MY BROKEN HEART AND FEELING VERY BETRAYED- I CAN HONESTLY SAY- I STILL TO THIS DAY LOVE THIS MAN EVEN THOUGH HE TREATED ME BADLY- THOUGH I KNOW I WILL EVENTUALLY HAVE TO MOVE ON- MY HEART CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE PAIN RIGHT NOW...I HOPE THAT THIS STORY WILL HELP SOMEONE WHO IS GOING THROUGH A SIMILAR SITUATION- PLEASE TELL ME I'M NOT ALONE IN THIS?.....
MISERABLE IN TENN,
BRANDI