Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I joined this website a couple months ago but this is my second or third time on here since then.. I know this will probably sound very dumb considering everything you all are going through but I need to let it out.. for the longest time I thought that I will never find that special someone for me and then BAM I did.. but I hate myself so much from all the depression/ bipolar suicidal thoughts I have had ever since I can remember and to top it off I was a year and 9 months clean from drugs and I messed up and now all I know how to do is push people away.. even though that's not what I really want; it has more to do with the way i was raised- "be quiet, go play by yourself, be small so you don't bump into people you klutz!". I have never been a bigger girl but I always felt huge and now I'm barely eating even one meal a week and all my clothes are too big now. But She was amazing to me and showed me real ACTUAL love and friendship and I just kept pushing her away cause I'm too broken and I'll just end up disappointing her like I do with everyone else and now she has moved on I think. How do you make yourself get up every day when all you ever feel is so empty and angry at yourself? How do I live a life I never planned on living? I always had this feeling that I wouldn't make is past 18 years old and I did die.. I just didn't stay dead and I hate feeling this way but she made me feel good HAPPY feelings for the first time since... well I honestly can't remember the last time I felt anything worth while but somehow she did it. And to have that just disappear? Even though I can only blame myself; Well to know what it's like to be happy for once and then have it all gone like it was a dream? THAT hurts more than I ever thought. I'm a very shy person and always have been but she made me see parts of myself that I haven't seen in years! She hung the moon for me and apparently I did for her too but now I'm left trying to figure out how anyone could ever love someone who is so broken and drowning when anyone good out there wants someone shiny and new? Anyway I'm sorry for interrupting and you all seem like amazing people who will only find someone better and be even better off. Thank you all.
You know that the happiness you felt with this girl is inside of you, she was able to bring it to light. You will find something or someone else to help bring that happiness to the surface. It's not gone, it's just hiding for now.
I hope that you can get the help that you need. I think you could benefit from speaking with a therapist, you seem to have a lot of thoughts that would be good to get out into the open.