Hi. I'm new here to so I'm not sure how this works or what's ok to say. I'm sorry that you're hurting so much. My situation is different but I do understand the feeling and how your mind will take you to a really sad & unexpected place all of a sudden.

Dont beat yourself up over what happened with your kids. It's a new day. Make sure they know you love them. You have to push yourself thru the pain (yeah, i know it's hard). Is there anyone else you can talk to when you need a good cry?

Hang in there. I'm not there yet but I have to believe that it does get better!

I am going to guess that maybe a little bit of alcohol was involved and that is why you had maybe said some of the things you said in front of your daughter. She knows you hurt and she wants to be there for you. She probably also knew this wasn't how you typically were and will just blow it off. If you are still concerned though have a nice long talk with her. Reassure her that you will always be there for her and that you were just feeling very sad at that moment was all. I am sure she probably already knows all this but it might b=make you feel less guilty if you two can talk it out a little. Silly things seem to happen when alcohol gets involved and we are already trying so very hard to make sure we always have our mask on in front of our children. Sometimes you can only wear it so long. When that happens I recommend doing what you did now and come here and journal or post or just PM or call a friend. We all have to take the mask off sometimes especially if we are ever going to truely move on. There is no hiding from the pain or hurt that you feel, there is no short cut. You can't jump over it or go around it, in order to truely move on you have to push through it to find your life and happiness on the otherside.

sometimes emotions overwhelm us and we blurt things out. i know i wanted to die in the beginning because the pain was so overwhelming and i thought it wouldn't go away. just explain to her the feeling. apologize again. she'll understand. i promise and you know this, it will get better and better. xoxoxoxoxox

My kids see me cry once in awhile and my 9 year old wants to make me feel better. I tell him mommy is sad because everything that has happened but it is okay to feel sad, angry etc. I do let him know it is my emotions and I am an adult and it is my responsibility to look after myself. I tell him it is not his job to make mom feel better. It is my job to be there for him and help him cope with all that is happening. I'm trying to use these times as "teachable" moments for the kids. I'm trying to vent all my negative emotions in appropriate ways so they learn how to get thru tough times. That doesn't always happen because I am only human. I know alcohol just makes me fall apart so I often have a drink when they go to bed. Remember you are only human and emotions are powerful things right now. Let your kids see you get back up and show them you are a strong person (even if you have to fake it for awhile). Eventually you'll realize how strong you are and give yourself a pat on the back.

I'm sorry you had a tough night. Simply apologize to your daughter and continue to reassure her that you were just venting, nothing more.

Sending some healing hugs!

You are blessed to have a caring daughter that appears to be very mature and understanding.

Thank God and her and for her comforting you in your time of need.

Use this as an opportunity to bond with your daughter and be open about your feelings with in reason [age appropriate]. Help her to understand what happened last night. Use it as opportunity to teach her about life and relationships and the range of human feelings. Make sure she understands that millions of us have had thoughts of ending it because of the pain and she may have those feelings at some point in her life but the thoughts are not a sin. The sin is acting out on them.

I Know that today will be a day of recovery for you Pain and depression are necessary to the healing process, unfortunately. You are healing as you grieve your losses. This is the way God made us.

Especially for those of us with children, the pain will never stop but hopefully it becomes something less intrusive in our lives. Similarly, your daughter will have that pain as well for her own reasons. Give her the tools to handle her grieving process.

Godspeed.

thankyou all so much for your support,i am feeling slightly better now as ive spoken to my children and i think they understand why im feeling the way i do.my husband has rang my daughter earlier to see how she was so at least he is thinking of the kids,thats something i suppose.