I would definitely feel her out to see if he is giving her the proper attention. I suppose you can for a person to be a good parent, loving and nurturing.

I wouldn't ask her anything straight out, just give her the opportunity to talk when she wants to. She will fill you in and it is good to let her talk about her feelings.

That's my take on it, for what it's worth.

This is definately a sign of things to come. What you don't want is for her to become an adult climbing all over men looking for someone to be her dad. Her dad needs to really step up to the plate right now.

I think so too guys. I need to keep my eye on her and find out whats going on over there when she goes. I will bring it up in mediation if I have to. Dont care about his feelings on this one. This has to do with my daughter and her future. I will do ANYTHING to protect that. Thanks.

I would just ask some general questions about her visits with her dad. I don't know if I'd ask about the gf, but I would definitely try to find out if she's getting attention. Could be dad is focusing on gf and your daughter feels left out.

Dad may need to have some just dad and daughter days. I did this with my step-daughter. She was very close to me and my stbx felt left out so I would arrange to have plans with friends on one weekend day so dad and daughter could have some bonding time. Your stbx may need to do this too.

Hope this helps. How does your friend feel about being called Dad?

Peace and hugs.

At first I didnt know how I could address this issue with my kids. They are 6/8/10. But then while we were driving in the car, they informed me that when their dad married his gf this december-they could call her MOM!

After making sure I didnt ram the car into the side of the road and could breathe again-I realized we needed to talk about it.

It was not easy bc I felt like giving them a lot of names they could call his desperate gf. I held back and attempted to calmly explain to them that they should call her by her first name. As they do with my BF. The new person doesnt replace their parent, its just one more person that loves them. They are not one of their parents really and dont need to be called MOM/DAD. I said if they starting calling my BF (who they adore) Dad it would feel weird to me bc he's not really their dad.

When we got home I went into the bathroom and almost threw up. I try so hard to be the bigger person bc I know in the end the kids will benefit the most if I am. Its good that they have someone over there looking out for them. People told me that in the beginning and it didnt make me feel better at all. Its still hard but I know I am their Mother and I took a stand on the name thing.

Did I handle it right, who knows! I heard his fiancee was pissed off about them not calling her mom or stepmom--she can kiss my a##!

hurtin, my friend loves my kids. I have a son, too, which my stbx ADORES. Its his BOY afrer all. Most weekends when they go visit, my daughter goes on a "playdate" with her friend. Stbx says its what she wants to do. I say he needs to spend more time with her. He's just an idiot, really!

Andm the gf? He never paid much attention to me, and Im pretty sure he doesnt pay much attention to her, either. Its his personality.

It's just too hard for kids. If we struggle with the situation, imagine what they go through. You are a good mom and they will always have that stability.

It sounds likely that your ex isn't giving his daughter the attention she desperately needs from him. It might also be that she desperately needs to feel some sense of a cohesive family around herself at all times, hence calling your boyfriend "Dad" and possibly calling your ex's girlfriend "Mom."

Personally, I think youre right. I think this is more a case of your ex not being a father to his daughter. (He sounds almost misogynistic. Does he not have any women he's close to? Friends? Family? He doesn't sound like he knows how to relate to females at all and doesn't seem to want to learn.)

Jacjac raises a good point. Girls with absent fathers often grow up to become women with huge relationship problems. Co-dependency, fear of abandonment, abuse, etc.

I'm not sure how you handle that kind of thing without going to a professional.

My daughter is 21 now and she was 6 when her father and I divorced. He never looked back and she was angry at me for a while but I raised her and her brother and it was just the three of us for 10 years until I remarried knuckletard (combo words). She is so fiercely independent and mean. She is strong and a no nonsense type of individual. She has been here for the summer and she has ruled the house...she is raising me. I wonder if she would be different and how different if he had taken a healthy role in her life? I tend to like the way she is. Her heart is in the right place and she is leaving soon to go back to school and I'm going to be empty without her. I'm proud of what a wonderful young lady she has turned out to be. I am afraid for the man in her life...she is strong willed and with a second degree blackbelt!

Z, how about fucknuckletard? In my opinion, the word fuck needs to be in there. Or ass. How about assknuckletard? I guess any curse word would do.

Z, it seems like your daughter is a strong woman, which is nice to hear. I'm so worried about my daughters and what kind of abandonment issues they might have.

d, I don't have any words of advise. I wish I did. How sad that her dad is such a fucknuckleasstard. (((HUGS)))