Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Why is 40% spousal support considered the maximum level of support in CA?
The law says the temp support calculator cannot be used. The court has to take all the considerations under 4320 into account. That the goal is equity -- as close to maintaining the standard of living as possible for both parties.
So... how is 40% = 60%? At $100k, that's a $20k delta. At $300k, that's a $60k delta. That's a whole lotta discretionary spend.
In my case, my housing costs and health insurance will be significantly higher -- about $2500/month higher. So even at a 50/50 split, I'm down $30k in discretionary spend.
Here are specifics:
> Married 25 years.
> Outearned him 2x for first 10 yrs.
> Paid $125k down on first home from personal property. (Yes, I know I'm due this, but no interest. Too bad, it's worth $625k now.)
> For what it's worth (nothing), I also paid for the wedding, the honeymoon and the $80k college savings we started when she was 3 weeks old.
> I gave up my career 15 years ago to raise our daughter -- his career requires extensive travel. My work required long hours, commuting and some travel.
> My career is OVER -- I was in software marketing management. My skills are completely out of date, I'm in my mid-50's woman. The industry is fast-moving, male dominated and youth dominated.
> I live in a small town and have full custody of my daughter, who is reeling from the circumstances of the divorce -- infidelity. She knows of the one that broke the marriage and suspects another. She doesn't know he's been leading a double life for 20 years. (Nor did I, of course.)
> He's backtracking on all his initial promises and the spousal support money fight is on. He's requiring a vocational assessment, one of the things he said he wouldn't do. "You'll be able to afford a nice home (we will be selling a large home with property) and I don't care if you make a $1 or $1M."
So I'm desperate to hear from others with similar situations. I cannot find any good resources online, other than the standard line about 4320 and the judge can't use guideline calculations.
I think the ladder and you might need to seek a lawyer. However with it being communal property you may have a hard time. Do not hold a grudge against him you are going to have to forgive him because he is sowing a seed that he will reap In the End season! It's hard now but trust me you will get through it and he will reap what he sowed. If you're seeking legal advice from this post I doubt that you will get it for free you are a smart woman you know what to do.
The court (in my state) will impute a certain income to you, based upon what it thinks you could make, given your education and previous work history. I doubt it considers the specifics of you being in your 50s, a woman, and being in a youth dominated industry (that was me too). I stayed home after working in IT for 15 years and lost my edge. I tried to keep up but it didn't happen.
Your standard of living will decrease, absolutely. You'll need a smaller house and/or maybe a less expensive town, cheaper car when it's time, lots of belt tightening, etc. "Luckily" for me, my ex squandered all of our money consistently, early on, so I got used to going to thrift stores and garage sales. Not saying that'll be you, I happen to like refinishing old furniture and am OK with buying someone else's good stuff.
You have every right to be angry and feel gypped, but keep in mind that divorce does not follow the rules of fairness, just of the law.
I'm off to rub a coat of poly on the $37.50 tv cabinet I picked up 2 weeks ago from an estate sale. You'll make life work, you need to accept so many changes, but you'll get through.