Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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diemjs 04/21/2008

Spent an hour on the phone with stbx tonight. We really didnt get anywhere. We never do. We talked about the divorce papers and what they say. He thinks I am being unfair. Im actually feeling a little bad. DONT YELL AT ME!

Of course, it got a little heated, but it was really ok. He was, well, kind of nice at the end. Im thinking its because he doesnt want to go to court. He kept mentioning the lawyers only want the money, and we cant afford it.

During one of the anger moments, he mentions to me something about me being MENTALLY UNSTABLE!!!!
He said it could come up, he doesnt know. My thoughts are this is a way to scare me.

I am still feeling a little bad. I feel sorry for him. I hurt him. Of course, he does blame me for everything. I did cry, and that made him a little more human towards me. I think he does care, but is too hurt and too angry to do anything about it.

So, I need to go on so I can take care of the kids and me. I know he will always be in arrears to me, he just doesnt have the money.

I know I did the right thing. So why do I feel so bad?

solongbye 04/21/2008

Because you lost your dream, you had no choice, he refused to grow up. The loss of a marriage is devastating, whether it should have ended or not.

deleted_user 04/21/2008

Because he isn't in your daily life anymore and you are human. It is perfectly normal to feel what you are feeling. It will go away. I felt that in the beginning also, but mine did it to himself and he didnt worry about being mean to me when I was hurt. Be strong. You can do this!

deleted_user 04/21/2008

It is most unfortunate it is not as simple as turning off your compassion in a divorce. You loved this man, and you love him still. Only time can fade this from your heart. In my opionion you need to take care of you and yours and let the rest fade as it should. I have no idea what kind of man he is but it's not uncommon for one to play the others emotions to get what they want in the end. Go to court, get a lawyer and protect you and your kids.

deleted_user 04/21/2008

It's time to turn off the emotions and just take care of business. You can take your heart back if someone is stomping on it. You don't have to be heartless--but you do have to move forward with your own life-for both you and the kids.

deleted_user 04/21/2008

Sweetheart hie is pushing every button he can. My suggestion (and I put this on your other thread) is to avoid communicating with him directly as much as possible. He does not have the right to say these things to you (I say this and I know where you are coming from because every night from the time I filed till the time I moved out when the divorce was finalized, he was in my face hurling every insult, threat, telling me every thing that was screwed up about me). Take care of yourself; hands over ears, la la la la la. Don't let him do this to you!

Be proud of yourself that you know you are doing the right thing but that you have a heart and feel compassion for him even though you are hurt.

I'm so sorry!!!! You'll get through this!

deleted_user 04/21/2008

You feel bad because you are mentally unstable.

(just kidding)

Because you are human, because he wants you to and because you wish it could have been different.
That said, don't let him manipulate because you feel guilty. Sometimes you just have to say "Enough."

deleted_user 04/21/2008

You stbx is manipulating you. You feel bad because he wants you to back off because it will likely cost him money. Remember "mentally unstable" might come up and "the lawyers only want money"
My stbx tried the same stuff with me so I have NO contact with him anymore at all. I haven't seen him or spoken to him in 4 months and the next(and last) time I will see him or speak to him is at the final hearing.

deleted_user 04/21/2008

Well said Solong!

Thriver 04/21/2008

I read this as him being manipulative and trying to set the stage for getting something he wants out of the legal process.
Don't talk to him anymore, decide for yourself whether or not to get a lawyer, and start gathering your own little trove of crap to hurl at him if that time comes.
As far as arrears, he needs to get off his passive aggressive butt and support the children he helped bring into the world. Don't forego any support because 'he would be in arrears anyway'. Many ex wives have been surprized by a sudden ability in their exes to make money after they were off the hook for supporting their own family.

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