Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Hello friends

milady60
milady60
Sorry I have been out of touch. (Sounds like your ex's excuses) but my computer blew up and I lost all my passwords. Think I found most of them now. Then I didn't want to think about my problems for awhile..needed a break. But now I have some thoughts to share with you. Why do we mourn the loss of someone after we find out they were not the person we thought they were. We aren't mourning them. We are mourning someone who didn't exist. I went through the stage of feeling stupid. I now realize I did what I did out of love and I would rather err on the side of not being a jerk. I know this person is out there perfectly happy while I still have sadness because if he was capable of caring he would not have kicked me to the curb so cruelly once he no longer needed a shoulder to cry on and his life was back in (sort of ) order. I know he actually did me a favor and the good heart i have will be appreciated by others. But I still miss that person who never was. I'm also to the stage of imagining him waking up blind or permanently impotent, and feel guilty because I'm not that kind of person. Maybe I should just get a good laugh out of it and let it go. Maybe it's just because it's raining. Take care, good hearts, you will find your way. And so that's all I've got to say on this crummy afternoon.
lookingforclosure
lookingforclosure
I think maybe we mourn, because we thought that person existed...and our lives change with the state we are in with that 'fictitious' person. I think in analogies...it's like - you win the powerball, you've got billions of dollars. You start to live that lifestyle, and then they come back and say, "Oh, sorry - this was a mistake. We need to take this back." Unlike the powerball, though, you have invested not two dollars, but your mind, body, and soul. You can earn back two dollars fairly quickly. The others, not so much.
broken234
broken234
I agree with your assessment of the facts behind what we actually mourn. I just wish that my heart would catch up with my mind in this situation. As much as I realize this, my heart still aches for a man who is currently with the OW. Berates her behind her back to me, so I can only assume he is doing the same thing to me with her. Knowing how I would never be happy going back to how things were, my heart still longs to be with this man. Why can't my heart catch up with my mind and say wait a minute,it's not this man you want. Its an idea of how my life was supposed to be. Why can't my heart say screw it, I'm done, like my mind has. How do we help our hearts catch up with our minds?
milady60
milady60
Your heart is strong. It will catch up with your head. The process of recovery is so frustrating! You go on for a long time feeling pretty good and then one day...BAM! I think it helps to remember that recovery is not a straight upward line and parts of us heal faster than other parts do. I know the one with my ex is not in for a fun ride, either. I feel bad for her. She's a nice lady and has no idea what she has gotten herself into. But even if I were mean enough to tell her, she wouldn't believe it. You just sort of wish you could brand people who are chronic users to keep them from damaging anybody else.
broken234
broken234
My husband is already treating the OW like he treated me. With jealousy and made to feel like I did something wrong a lot of the time. I went from hating OW to actually feeling bad for her for a short period of time. Now I am back to hate and I think that being with my husband will be punishment enough. I sure do hope my heart catches up soon. because there is no telling what will happen if it doesn't. I am so afraid I will cave if he comes crawling back. Before i was so afraid he would never come back. This notion to me is so confusing.
refurb
refurb
We mourn the person that never was because we are/were trusting, we were deceived by calculation and craft.
Some people are phenomenal at manipulation and deceit. they learn that it serves them well to project a character.
They perform, we that trust, trust, it is not in our nature to wonder if we are being manipulated by someone that we make ourselves vulnerable to, and since they themselves lack a real heart to be vulnerable they have no problem dissecting yours.

Fools that we are, we polish their scalpels, because we love them, we don't think to ask what it is for, for how could it be anything for evil and deceit, certainly wifey/hubby is wired like I.

I'm thankful for my wife, otherwise I wouldn't be blessed with the kiddos.
But I am sad for my kiddos, they get her forever
I am thankful that the dissection didn't kill me,
She is not