Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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AClaire80 01/15/2017

It's been quite sometime since I've been on here.

Back in mid September my husband & I had a pretty big fight, we didn't talk for weeks, fought some more, & then tried to work things out. It's been pretty rocky ever since. Another blow out happened the day after our anniversary, more fighting, & tried to "work on it" again. Things had been alright for a while, but still not great. Each time, I would go to him, or write him a letter, telling him I still loved him, that my heart just couldn't let go. I think a small part of me will always love him.

We've been teetering on the edge of divorce since that big fight in September.

Fast forward to New Year's Eve. My husband had been in a found mood for a while (several days), & my 6yr old broke a mirror. My husband came unglued! (Our son has a genetic disorder, & is non-verbal, he has quite the temper, & gets frustrated very easily) My husband called my son a stupid fuck, said he was retarded, & a whole slew of other horribly, nasty things. I told my husband he needed to leave. (we were supposed to be going to a party at a a friend's house; I ended up not going) A little bit later, my husband comes into my room, to give me a kiss good-bye, & told me he loved me. I could not return either. I just laid there watching my son sleep.

The next day was almost a repeat of what had happened the night before, my son did something that pissed my husband off. He grabbed & picked my son up by his shirt shouting & swearing at him. I again told him he needed to leave. My husband said he was "done", that he couldn't handle it anymore, so I said bye!

He left for a little while, then came home, & demanded I move my car out of the garage so he could stay in there. Reluctantly, I obliged, & he's been in there ever since.

That same night, I told him I wanted him out by the end of the month. I also told him that I wanted him to consider giving up his parental rights to our son. (That episode was not the first time something like that had happened. My husband never goes to any of our son's doctor appointments, speech therapy, or school meetings.) Obviously, that really pissed him off. Maybe it was out of line for me, but I regret nothing, my son does not need that negativity in his life.

For the most part, my husband & I have stayed out of each other's hair. When we do cross paths, we are civil, & have breif, but civil conversation.

Up until today, I have not cried. I still haven't cried like I did the last few times (damn near every day I was sobbing) I just hope I can remain strong this time, & not act on a moment of weakness. This time feels different.

Koko 01/15/2017

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. Is this his son as well? I understand it can be difficult dealing with issues like you described and I certainly have lost my temper on my son (who does not have any genetic disease) when he is disrespectful. But if you think it it more than that and harmful to your son maybe you really should consider separation or divorce.

AClaire80 01/15/2017

Yes, the 6yr old is our only child together. I have 2 other children from previous relationships.
My older two don't really care for my husband, they don't get along with him, & tend to avoid him. Therected has been so much more that has happened in the course of 7yrs. I know it's time to let go, it's just so much harder than I expected, even when I've though I was prepared.

ekikimi 01/15/2017

Indeed very sad, but please, stay strong !. It's all I can say. Your son needs you . Chris

jojored 01/15/2017

Those instances with your son sound like child abuse to me. Your son is 6, he's defenseless, he's disabled. He is the epitome of someone who needs protection from the bullies of the world. So sorry that his bully happens to be his dad. Did your older children witness any of this behavior? I hope someone else did, so you have evidence that you can use to sever or severely limit his parental rights. He's despicable, if I may say so. You're doing the right thing, keep strong and protect your children. Hoepfully stbx gets help for his aggression issues.

AClaire80 01/15/2017

Thanks.
As a matter of fact, my 17yr old saw both incidents. He shouted some nonsense about my being a nutcase, & how I've passed my crazy genes on to all 3 of my children.
That's when my daughter spoke up. He told her to shut up & go to her room, & stay out of it. She said no, I said she didn't have to. He then asks me "Well, are you going to let her stand there & talk to me & disrespect me like that?!" I said yup!
7 years of pent up anger & frustration came spewing out of her. I just let her vent. I've lost my will to fight back, there just isn't a point anymore.
I comforted my daughter afterward, she said she was sorry, but I told her she had nothing to be sorry for.

jojored 01/15/2017

So sorry. Try to stay strong, your instincts will serve you well. You may want to speak to someone about creating a safe place for you and the children, maybe having an out-of-control husband in the garage is not a good idea. As things progress toward divorce, he may have even more anger and not know how to deal with it. I'd get him kicked out, if possible. Probably can be done with the physical and verbal abuse he's directed toward your son, the the verbal abuse to the older ones. None of this is fair or easy.

AClaire80 01/15/2017

I told him I wanted him out by the end of the month. He said he's looking for a place. It sucks, because while I make more than him, I rely a lot on his contribution to the rent & bills. Moving is easier said than done.

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