Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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feelnhopless 11/30/2017

Long story short... i feel the same or even now then i did 2 years ago. its been 2 years as of 11/04 that my wife (ex) said she wanted a divorce.. actaully she said... "i dont' think i can stay married to you anymore'... with a tear in her eye.. i begged and pleaded... said i would do whatever it takes.. we could go to counceling etc... well, to no avail. :,( i still think of dieing a alot.. i mean i don't want to live with out.. she was IT.. she was my soulmate... 27 y ears together... married 23.5 I LOVE HER WITH EVERY PART OF MY BODY, MIND, SOUL, SPIRIT, AND HEART. people say and still say, i need to 'get over her and move on'... i can't... the woman has my heart.. for me it was true love forever... now i wasn't a saint, and neither was she... had shares of probs like everyone else.. we overcame some couple big ones... adn i would give her the world. i still wear my ring.. i go kareoke and sing our songs, or love songs how i feel.. i flood FB how much i still love her and miss her. I pray everynight that He will soften her heart nad we will be together again... we have 5 kids ... 4 are considered adults now, adn 1 not. She has 4th stage colon cancer, and i can't believe that didn't bring her back to at least TALK to me... i still send her more money than i am supposed to, even though it is casuing me to be deep in debt... i know.. KNOW i will never be happy again.. ever.. so what is the point of life????

i wish this on no one. not even my worse enemy. how can you go on without the reason why you breathe everyday????

Gutted 11/30/2017

Did she know that she had cancer when she left you?

verysorry 11/30/2017

This seems unbearable, I am truly sorry for your pain. As a father though you do have reason for existence. You shared that you pray as well, which believing in a higher power is also another reason for existence. It would be very helpful, as hard as it will be, to focus your attention and time on other healthy things, that do not have anything to do with your ex-wife. May be very difficult at first to even enjoy but the more you do other things the more comfortable it will become. This will also create opportunity to foster new friendships, companionship. Nobody will ever replace your wife but you need to open yourself to other relationships, friendships, companionship etc. Focus your time and energy elsewhere and you will be amazed at how much more tolerable life will become. Hey you may even find some peace or happiness. Best regards!

Malfeitor34 12/01/2017

I know how you feel! I’ve been separated from my wife for 16 months now and I’m no better now then I was when we separated! I honestly never thought we’d be without each other. I have stayed 100% faithful and she’s now on her third boyfriend, makes me feel like I didn’t matter as much as she would say or that I’d thought if I can be replaced that quick and that much. Also to me we are still legally married and I take it like she had or has no respect for our marriage at all. Sorry to go on about me and my situation I just wanted you to know your not alone and I don’t see myself ever fullly getting over her!

11Christmases 12/01/2017

This post was all about you, your pain, how you don't want to live without her...and oh BTW she has 4th stage colon cancer. And how you can't believe that doesn't make her want to talk to YOU. You seem very focused on yourself. Maybe the most loving thing you could do right now is let her focus on her recovery (if that's even feasible at this stage), give her space and don't try to talk to her about your relationship, and help out with your youngest every way you can - driving, meals, and listening, since this child is facing the possibility of losing his/her mom.

feelnhopless 12/01/2017

gutted, no... she didn't.

verysorry... How??? i mean i have done things i like.. but most of the time, i don't want to do anything... at all. and any relationship i have come accross, they ask me where is your wife... cuz of the ring i won't take off.. and i maybe talk to them a couple times.. and thats it. A woman even said, no woman will ever want to date or be with me or go out.. cuz i will never get over my ex.. my soulmate. i don't care about that at all.. but still.... how to go on without her.. and the kids... sepcially this xmas... last year at least she and the kids wished me and i wished them marry xmas.. and i sent gifts to all, and she and they thanked me and liked... now i can't. and from Dec 2015 to Jan 2016 NOTHING changed, but me sending her 24 doz roses and said i will alwyas love you and wait for you forever... then she filed a HO... sorry so long..

feelnhopless 12/01/2017

11Christmases.. actaully i told her when she told me, i would do anythign she wants.. take her to her treatments, make meals and drive them, gave her more money.. i prayed everynight still do for her. My son taht talks to me says she is gettign a lot better. docs can't believe it.. PRAISE GOD.. i even did a fundraiser this year even though she had no clue or will never know.. and rode 26 miles for the fundraiser on my bicycle. i havn't road a bike in ages let alone 26 miles.. i did it cuz that is the ONLY thing i can do for support. I also told her she could ahve my liver last year.. and she thanked me... but said it dont' work that way... i would take her cancer completely... even if we wouldn't be together.. i think of her.. i pray to God that i want her happy and healthy, even if it means not being togtehr.. all i care is about is her... but that doens't mean i have to live through it. right?

feelnhopless 12/01/2017

Malfeitor - sorry you are going through all that. i just don't get how love from one person out of 2 can just die or change?? i mean it happens 50% of the time with the divorce rate... what happened to TILL DEATH PARTS US??? it isn't right... that the one person you love more than anythign can hurt you soooo bad...

11Christmases 12/01/2017

By my post I meant the most loving thing would be to help with your youngest child together, but not directly helping your wife since she doesn't seem to want that. Do you have a therapist to help you sort out these feelings? Is the "HO" something like a restraining order? If you don't have a therapist already, I'd try to make an appointment soon. If your insurance doesn't cover sessions, you may have an EAP at work that would give you a few free sessions. Best of luck.

run2bfree 12/01/2017

Sounds really sad, grief has no time limit

feelnhopless 12/02/2017

Ho. Is yes, same as RO. So cant see 3 youngest. Havet for almost 2 yrs Feb 3rd 2016.. last time. Cant 4 another 2 yrs...

jojored 12/03/2017

I'm sorry, but you need some serious help. If there is a HO, RO against you for 4 years from your wife and children, there must be a pretty good reason in the law's eyes. Let her go - look at your relationship with her realistically and take off the ring. Plus, she has moved on and isn't looking back - please accept this and don't try to change it or pray it will change. It's not going to. I hope this is a wake up call to you - you need to reboot your life. With the help of a professional, you can focus on other things in your life, really can build a new life, as it seems you are obsessing with your old one. Good luck.

idontmakeherhapyenuf 12/03/2017

I am sorry for your pain and understand, as I've been there. One thing you need to know is that this desperation will not be attractive to her. Odds are you are simply pushing her further and further away. I recommend reading The Divorce Remedy by Michele Weiner-Davis or at least her previous book, Divorce Busting. (Remedy has improvements on Busting.) You are in my prayers.

feelnhopless 12/19/2017

jojored, she has not had an HO or RO for 4 years.. it was just Jan this year... and there is NOTHING to have it put on. But the LAW don't care. have you ever dealt with teh law? they don't care about the truth.. they care about money and control. plain and simple fact. and with God ALL things are possible.
Love.. .real love isn't an obsession. it is REAL feelings. that will always be. obsessing would be someone calling even though the other person doesn't want contact... or driving by, or stalking... so i will keep praying. at least through the rest of this year... thank you though for your reply and i do beleive your caring.

Idontmake - so should i be fake? should we as people 'play games' in order to what... fake out people? no. i would rather be transparent and honest and real. and let chips fall as they may. again, thank you too for your thoughts... i am sorry you are or had gone through this. i think it should cost 100,000 thousand to divorce and marry. that way you will know who really is truly serious about love til death parts us... it is tooo easy now a days, and Hollywood shows us that it is no biggy. they act like marriage is like going together as 15 yr olds... IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE MORE THAN THAT... i think. and i believe. at least...

murphytoronto 12/19/2017

Two years...Give yourself a break...that is not a long time....and it will take much longer.

YOU MUST GO NO CONTACT

Take off your wedding ring

Join Divorce Care...local to you

See a therapist...URGENT...walk in...whatever

You are not wrong to still be loyal to your marriage......You are right....but you must allow the Grief to begin

Try and talk to friends and family and use them as your support

YOU CAN DO THIS!....It will get better....IT take a long time

New things wait for you in the future...if you hang in there

bridgie101 12/28/2017

Hey there I remember the desperate need to communicate. you have to just let it pass. Lock yourself out of facebook. Lock yourself out of anything that makes you try to communicate.

Because you have to get through this without communicating.

You might need antianxiety medication or antidepressants. You definitely need time. I don't know about all these restraining orders but I do know you have an overpowering desperation to restabilise back where you were, with no sense of anything needing to shift for your ex wife's survival. It would have been like living with a concrete block around her neck, being with you all those years. A concrete block and thrown in the river. Do we have to die for our spouse? I don't believe people do. And when they get cancer is when they leave bad marriages. Because they realise that the anger and frustration and repressed grief probablly contributed to the cancer.

You are frantic about locking in stability and you have no ability to cope with being this badly destabilised. I understand it. I went through it too. Time is the only way to survive it. Time and space.

Therapy is great but pills are greater. You're in daily, hourly agony. Minute by minute, the hours tick by. But it gets imperceptibly less day by day. Time is your only friend.

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