Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
After 22 months of what I thought was the perfect relationship, my girlfriend told me she wasn't happy anymore. We went downstairs because she wanted to talk. She was crying her eyes out, and I just sat there in shock. After an hour long conversation of why she was feeling this way, she told me she just wanted 24 hours to think, to see if she would miss me. She kissed me, and asked for another kiss, but I turned away and cried because I was so confused as to what was going on.
I return to my house, and for the most part, I don't text her for 24 hours. I wake up in the morning scared out of my mind. My room was covered in notes that she had written no longer than a week ago telling me how much she loved me. I waited exactly 24 hours, and asked her what she was doing.
She told me that I didn't want to know. I asked her if she was with another guy. She told me that I didn't want to know. I told her that this was really f***** up. The guy that she was with (her ex boyfriend, a totally different story) grabs her phone and messages me "it sure is".
I go into a panic. The girl who I thought was the love of my life just ruined me, and had nothing more to say other than "I'm sorry..."
I've been struggling to cope ever since. I've sent her messages, talked to her through her friends, and even showed up outside of her school (with her approval) to read her a love letter. I so badly want things to work between me and her, because it seems not too long that we were holding hands in love.
She is cold when she sees me. She doesn't look at me anymore, she looks through me when I tell her that I love her. I'm not going to see her graduate anymore, I'm not going to take her to prom anymore, and I'm not going to drop her off at college in August.
I feel lost, lonely, and unable to cope with my new life.
I return to my house, and for the most part, I don't text her for 24 hours. I wake up in the morning scared out of my mind. My room was covered in notes that she had written no longer than a week ago telling me how much she loved me. I waited exactly 24 hours, and asked her what she was doing.
She told me that I didn't want to know. I asked her if she was with another guy. She told me that I didn't want to know. I told her that this was really f***** up. The guy that she was with (her ex boyfriend, a totally different story) grabs her phone and messages me "it sure is".
I go into a panic. The girl who I thought was the love of my life just ruined me, and had nothing more to say other than "I'm sorry..."
I've been struggling to cope ever since. I've sent her messages, talked to her through her friends, and even showed up outside of her school (with her approval) to read her a love letter. I so badly want things to work between me and her, because it seems not too long that we were holding hands in love.
She is cold when she sees me. She doesn't look at me anymore, she looks through me when I tell her that I love her. I'm not going to see her graduate anymore, I'm not going to take her to prom anymore, and I'm not going to drop her off at college in August.
I feel lost, lonely, and unable to cope with my new life.
I was with my first bf for almost 2 years as well and it all ended one day. I had to end it because of what he did and he was the love of my life.
I don't know if I have any words of consolation except that unfortunately at this age many people don't know what they want.
You obviously do and you will make a wonderful partner for someone some day.
Try to remember that not all women do this and don't let this ruin your chances of a good relationship with someone else.
She may still change her mind and come back to you after several months however she showed you that even if this guy was not in the picture she is immature and doesn't know how to handle relationships as an adult. She is way below your level right now.
Even if she returns, I m not sure you will be able to forget about this and continue because the loss already happened, she took away your innocence in this department.
It is likely that she has been talking to this guy for some time and for whatever reason she likes this asshole.
You will heal, you will move on. It will take a long time, but it will get better.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Don't let her see you broken. She doesn't deserve it.
Hug
I have been on both ends of this rope. Once I fell out of love for a girl because of many problems. She begged and begged and I felt bad for her. The more I tried to let her down easy and the more I saw her cry the less I wanted to be with her... I also made the mistake she did. I begged an ex of mine for months and she looked at me like a weak little girl. She even told me "I want a man in my life not someone who is always crying and begging." (Yeah she was a mean one) She gave me a GREAT lesson to learn. And lesson learned. In my last break up, I was hurting BAD and after 4 months still have leftover scars. I asked her to sit down and talk to me ONCE. She ignored me and that was enough for me. I could be dying to contact her but had enough self respect to not do it. It was hard. Very very difficult. But I am proud of being so strong. Many times I came her and posted and begged for advice and private messaged chitownbear (he knows) and he cleared my head enough to see things for what they really are. I pushed through the pain and today I am better than ever. Now I see her for what she really is. She made mistakes and hurt me. But it's more than that. She just wasn't for me anymore. I have grown and outgrown her. I am ready for something and someone better FOR ME. I can badmouth her and tell you everything she did to me and my daughter. But what for? She is in my past and has nothing to do with my present or future. (Btw. NEVER bad mouth and ex unless you are telling your story to a support group, family or VERY close friends. It makes you look bad and it is not a gentelman thing to do. Women shouldn't either.)
When a door closes another one and better one opens. Trust in that. Let her go.
Do you want to win her back? If yes then ask yourself. Can you forgive her and get passed the fact that she is and has been with another guy. That HE has been reading your texts to her and answering them himself? (I WOULD BE PISSED)
Did you do something wrong that it is YOUR duty to look for her and fix things?? Or is she wrong here and it should be her that should realize what she is leaving behind? 22 Damn Months and she cares so little that she ran off with another guy??
Dude just by reading your post I can see what a great heart you have and a guy with geniuine emotions. YOU did not deserve this and she doesn't deserve your tears or time.
Let her go... Go no contact for the next 60 days and watch her regret this decision so fast that it will make her head spin.
Search google "How to get my ex back" and "No Contact Rule" Read as much as you can and learn.... also search "Stages of break up" and see what is in store... it is a hard road ahead. But if you man up and be strong enough to do it and push through all that pain, you will grow and be so strong she and better women will die to be with you. You already have a great heart, know how to love, know how to fight for someone NOT worth fighting for. Imagine how great you will be when a real woman, faithful, good hearted, and loving comes along. Trust me when I say this: There are real assholes out there, there are also great guys like you. There are horrible women out there, and amazing good women too. A nice guy like you needs and deserves a better type of woman.
Read some of the posts on here. See how many great women like Samantha and Aronia have been mistreated while awful girls have guys like you crying over them. THAT is not fair. So save you tears and turn them into smiles with a GOOD woman. And let this one go with what seems like an asshole of he grabs her phone to make you feel like shit.
Let go buddy please. It breaks my heart to know you are suffering because I have been there before. I know the feeling and it is hell on Earth.
Big hug man. Stay strong.
This is how mature and respectful people do it :
Let's say she fell out of love with you. She understands that it is going to hurt you, but knows that doing the right thing is best for everyone and it would be ethically Wrong to string you along.
She comes to you and says : " I am sorry, I don't have the same feelings for you that you have for me and I realized this when I started thinking about getting back with my ex. "
Some people never reach this level of honesty. When I was 18 I made some very big mistakes but I learned from
Them AND my childhood was really f----d up, so of course I made some bad decisions.
I doubt that this girl ever went what I went through. She probably has both parents, family and doesn't live alone on another continent.
Someone must have taught her how to be honest and true.
The worst part of losing someone is when you realize that you love the person you THOUGHT she was and this person is not there anymore.
It literally feels like someone robbed you of your most prized possession and nothing can be done to change it.
If you do get back together, your relationship will
Never be the same. You can build a good one , but there is no return back what was.
If she comes back, you will seriously have to show her that you will NOT Ever take this crap from her.
Ugh... My heart hurts for you.
Aronia and Wolf had some good advice and words for you. I do not think I can add anything to it.
I hope you can lick your wounds and heal your heart in time for Prom. So you can take someone to Prom and have a good time. That you yourself can move on to College with an open heart amd mind. That you continue to take whats bad and good, apply the lessons and continue to grow in to a caring dude with a good heart.
You will get there.
Welcome to the group
To add on to the overall depression I've been feeling, I haven't been able to keep down food or water and have lost about 12 pounds since the incident (10 pounds the first 3 days). The depression is getting in the way of my schoolwork, which is causing even more stress.
You are right, with her going off to college, you would have had to come to the realization of the distance between you two. This of course being thought about prior to what happened. Now, if she wanted you back, then she goes off to college, how could you not have a lack of trust in the relationship or her? Given what she has done, not once, but twice, and now she is off, farther away, starting her life at college. Harvard, nice school. Nice area. She will definitely want to stretch her arms.
I know it hurts, but it may be in your best interest to let it lie. You yourself are getting started with your adult life in college. There is so much you are going to want to experience. But as you said, this is interfering with many things for you in this first year. Grades is not something to mess; especially given the school / tuition/ grants or whatnot. It will be tough, but with the end of the semester rolling around, which means finals and stuff, you have to get your head around schoolwork.
As for eating, many of us lose our appetite, during tough situation, especially break ups. The best advice I can give you is to have ready or convienant food available at your reach. Like fruit or something you can grab and take a few bites of even if you have to force yourself.