Very normal how you feel - I can relate.

But, where you separated the last 3 years? - so you were living solo with your kids and sleeping solo, correct?

The reason I ask that it's because I think you should use your current state to make sure you start pushing yourself harder - what I mean by that, If you have been separated for 3 years and living solo - and you are now being hit w/the feeling of loneliness in terms of cuddling, watching a movie, etc, it seems then that you may have been living with the hope that he was going to come back and you were going to have these things back, but you didn't really have them, you were living with this illusion and that was keeping you from grieving that part of the situation - it's just now hitting you yet not part of your life for the past years.

To me the most serious or sad part of your situation isn't that you are grieving the breakup - that's normal - but rather that you have been blocking your truth for 3 years - putting on hold grieving for that long when you could by now have been maybe done and at a much better place - I guess there's nothing you can do and we can't go back in time - but you should look at yourself and where you are at and at least tell yourself - "I AM NOT GOING TO WASTE ANOTHER DAY HOPING THAT THIS PERSON COMES BACK" - from today on I am going to live because life is short to live for 3 years w/a dream, a wish, hope, etc.

I know losses are tough but the more you keep running from your reality, the longer you are prolonging grieving for a situation that has been around for 3 years...

Not trying to be critical of you - but hoping that maybe you can see that you are allowing precious time to pass you by - get your grieving out of the way - get to accepting your reality, get to crying, don't put it off anymore because it's turning into your permanent situation - grieving for someone that has been gone for 3 years and it's moving on and living without you. It looks like had he not found another GF you would have continued to go years hoping that you had your old life back? - There'a a life and a world out there outside of the people who do not want to be with us - you do not sound like you have noticed that in 3 years - it might be time for you to push yourself harder.

Best wishes.

You are absolutly correct. I did not grieve for 3 years, because I was hoping he would come back. I am now in the grieving process. I have been crying for weeks, but it has started to taper off. So I know I am starting to heal. My hope for my old life is gone, and I have finally accepted that. I even let go of some anger. I want to move on with my life, and believe that me going to therapy, and the gym, I have started. I even agreed to go have coffee week with a "Male" friend. Nothing serious, just someone to talk to. I told him, maby in time, we can be more civil with each other, but not now, and although he still tries to hang out with me, I do not engage. The only time I see him, is at our daughters soccer game. Even then it is basiclly a Hi- and keep going.

I understand - and yes, for 3 years you could have been grieving all this and be way better now, but that's done. Do not hang out with him - it will only keep you stuck and will keep the idea of reconcilling going. For a whole year my ex kept sending mix signals every chance he had - would even directly say things like "let's hang out and see where things go" - said things like this multiple times - kept me thinking there was hope - he never meant any of the things he said - had he wanted to come back in that year, there were plenty of chances he didn't take - so it was all bluff and it was all about him feeling good about the fact that a woman was drooling and haning on to every word he said. In the meantime like your ex, he was also seeing other women.

I caught up to his games and I started openly saying "if you are so into hanging out with me" - come back, I will take you back - I would say this just to catch him at his own game - the dude would not have anything at all to say - he had zero intent of coming back - that was my push to get pist enough to say "how dare this dude to keep reaching out knowing that I am still sensitive and struggling" - but instead of staying stuck - I became a different person and I completely stopped the invites, mix signals etc - I was firm and almost ugly about it b/c he wasn't getting it any other way.

When your EX reaches out and tries to do the little toying numbers he does with you - your best bet might be to cut him off firmly and let him know you no longer welcome the invites nor any convo that has to do w/the past - make it clear to him that he's your ex and you are moving the hell on. Get mad about this or you'll spend another 3 years stuck. I know it's easier said than done but you are better of walking through this pain than to keep putting it off for a years and holding on.

Oh I know I am better off. Thank You for the great words

I just want to say that this is all very hard and from my understanding it takes as long or as short as it takes. There is no easy path or way to know. I feel like I am slow to move forward and it has been a year. Some people have told me it took them five years, so three doesn't sound so bad compared to that. I don't mean that in a slight of what you are going through just trying to look at how well you are now. I wish you the best. When we have children and have loved someone and tried for years it is a big deal. Sending you love, healing and hugs!

Thank you CAB720.... I have hung on way too long

me too, missing the companionship tonight. Hard to let go when you've been trying for so long. But its the right thing to do rather than be unhappy and stressed for years and years.