It’s been a while since I was on here, and Life continues to have its ups and downs. I appreciate this site for helping me deal with it when things get tough… I have been dating a woman for about a year. I am  10 years older. I was a little hesitant at first because of it. The main issue at that time was that she has 4 year old twins, and my older one is almost in college. But we started a relationship nonetheless, and things heated up pretty fast. It was very romantic and intense. We both have had failed marriages, she came across as mature for her age, and I definitely have a young heart and act as such. So the age difference did not become a problem. I even started to be very involved in her kids’ routines also. We moved in very quickly, about 3 months into the relationship. I thought it was way too soon, but she was very insistent and I went along with it. We were so into each other, and it made financial sense. Things were good for the most part. One sticking problem is that admittedly she has OCD, and can nitpick on small things, such as leaving the lights on, leaving the fridge door open while I am cooking, leaving my laptop plugged in, shutting the front door too hard, leaving front door unlocked while I am home or out for a quick walk with my dog, etc.. I have done my best to break those habits to accommodate her. But sometimes I do slack off. Not on purpose of course. It has been a source of argument at times, but things were still okay…

Lately though, it has become very apparent that her rigidity is an impasse for our relationship. I know that she is planner and has her preferred routines, so it’s hard for her to deviate from them, more than likely because of her OCD. And she usually doesn’t break from plans or routines. She can be insensitive sometimes also. And when I suggested self-awareness, she accused of me trying to change her. In retrospect, every time I brought her out of her comfort zone, she would accuse me of that. I am talking about things like going to a new restaurant, trying to introduce her to some of the music or movie I like, taking a trip, etc… Normal couple things. We had a serious talk a few days ago, and she was very clear on what her needs were: she will keep doing things she likes doing, I should have my own things also, and sometimes we can do stuff together. I am a very active person, and has many hobbies. I am a runner, play league sports, go out to see live music, meeting friends for drinks, a bit of a foodie, ride motorcycles, etc etc… But expecting to have dinner together, go to sleep together, have pillow talk, hang out with her in the living room while reading, with my live-in girlfriend, are too suffocating to her. She is also very clear that she is not going to change anything to accommodate my emotional needs. She would only be willing to do that for her kids.

I know we are headed towards a breakup. We have a live-in relationship, but what I am getting from her is a part time partner out of convenience. I am going to start living at my house part time, at least couple nights a week. She is not happy about it because she prefers me to be at her house every night, which makes her feel safe. I cannot continue to date her the same way. Maybe a little separation will be beneficial.. I had high hopes for this woman, but now I have no expectation at all and I am questioning myself why am I sticking around? I just needed to vent. Thank you for letting me do that.