Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
If anyone can stand to read all this and give some much needed perspective I would sooo appreciate it.
I have been married for 5 years. For the majority he has been emotionally absent, borderline unfaithful, lied about our finances, lied about everything, unattracted to me, the list goes on.
People ask why I married him. He was nothing like this before. He was caring, loyal and he was there. Anytime he could be with me he was.
We have been thru it all, counseling, medications, separation, and last summer we were on. By August 2006 he told me he was ready to start a family. By Labor Day weekend he was absent again.
We were at a party, he was ignoring me and watching a sporting event. I was sitting by myself. I asked him why couldnt we leave, spend some time... maybe start on that family *wink*. He got agitated and ignored me. Long story short-er, I broke my foot that nite. He thought I made it up to get him to take me home. He was even more mad when I asked him to take me to the hospital on his Labor Day off. He was in shock when the nurse said I would have to make an appointment for a cast.
Things got worse. It was bad when he'd come home from work 3 hours late, but now that I was on bed rest and couldn't feed myself it felt like a slap in the face. OK. Getting to the main event here.
Before my cast was off he tells me he is moving to Charlotte. He says he has to try to get a job in the racing industry (hes a mechanic)its something he HAS to do. I tell him he is going it alone. He leaves. No.. I bought him all sorts of kitchen ware and bedding and help him leave. I am very dedicated to him. While he is gone the phone calls flood... He loves me, he knows now the only thing that matters is me, That his stuff and his career are no match for what a family with me would be worth. On and on and on. On our anniversary I get a package. A precious moments! I cry. I am so happy things are lookin up. Also in the package, 3 credit card statements I didn't know about. We are on the verge of bankruptcy. This is the second time. The house is already collateral for the first shopping spree. What did he spend this on? himself. I thought my debt was the household debt, cus I bought all the food, household stuff, clothes, dinners out.
I tell him it's over. I can't trust him, never could, but now I am done. "Stay in Charlotte. I'll keep the house." ohhh soo many emails. promising me his devotion and how he'll change and that he will never spend another dime and I will be in control and I can run everything the way I want to. Just let him try again.
Under the terms that he would go if things didn't change by Labor day weekend, he moved home in July.
So here I am. Crying just like I always have. hurting. I feel like I am sleeping with the enemy. He doesnt stay AS long at work. only 9 or ten hours rather than the 12-14 he used to just to be away from me. he hasnt charged anything on his secret credit cards, but he never closed them like I asked. I have no control over his finances. He gets angry with me when I get emotional. We are intimate a lot more than we used to be. went from once every 2-3 months to once a week.
I told him friday I dont see things going well. I told him it kills me, but I want to find someone who will be devoted to me like I am to him. I reluctantly told him I joined an online support group, he kinda scoffed. I am trying to make him see that I have been suffring. That this is more than just a girl whining. Like everytime he just tells me he'll change and do better.
So I guess I am scared to leave. I love him but I need to feel love. His first big mistake came only 2 months after we had been married. He took a 17yr-old on a date to the movies. Since then things have been like a rollercoaster. I didn't marry to divorce. I want to give him chance after chance but I am really starting to pay emotionally. technically he hasn't done anything wrong since he came back, but he hasn't really shown me anything new. He isnt even exactly attracted to me. I asked him if he thought I was hot he said "you're cute" and watched TV. Why is he with me? All he talks about is how much he loved Charlotte and his job there. i tell him to go back. We can split amicably and he can just go back. It seems like it would be easier than me having to pack up and go again. Does it seem like he really wants to change? Should I just be stronger and walk out? Am I reading his actions wrong?
The thing that erks me is that when I asked him yesterday if he even thought about what I said on Friday he acts like a kid getting scolded by Mom. He says "yes" all huffy and irritated and then watches tv, completely clamming up. He wont talk. We will finally have insurance again next week and can go back to counseling. But I dont wanna spend my life in counseling. I dont wanna be the kind of wife who is afraid to talk about how she feels cus her husband doesnt wanna hear it. Any thoughts?
Sorry it got so long. :)
I have been married for 5 years. For the majority he has been emotionally absent, borderline unfaithful, lied about our finances, lied about everything, unattracted to me, the list goes on.
People ask why I married him. He was nothing like this before. He was caring, loyal and he was there. Anytime he could be with me he was.
We have been thru it all, counseling, medications, separation, and last summer we were on. By August 2006 he told me he was ready to start a family. By Labor Day weekend he was absent again.
We were at a party, he was ignoring me and watching a sporting event. I was sitting by myself. I asked him why couldnt we leave, spend some time... maybe start on that family *wink*. He got agitated and ignored me. Long story short-er, I broke my foot that nite. He thought I made it up to get him to take me home. He was even more mad when I asked him to take me to the hospital on his Labor Day off. He was in shock when the nurse said I would have to make an appointment for a cast.
Things got worse. It was bad when he'd come home from work 3 hours late, but now that I was on bed rest and couldn't feed myself it felt like a slap in the face. OK. Getting to the main event here.
Before my cast was off he tells me he is moving to Charlotte. He says he has to try to get a job in the racing industry (hes a mechanic)its something he HAS to do. I tell him he is going it alone. He leaves. No.. I bought him all sorts of kitchen ware and bedding and help him leave. I am very dedicated to him. While he is gone the phone calls flood... He loves me, he knows now the only thing that matters is me, That his stuff and his career are no match for what a family with me would be worth. On and on and on. On our anniversary I get a package. A precious moments! I cry. I am so happy things are lookin up. Also in the package, 3 credit card statements I didn't know about. We are on the verge of bankruptcy. This is the second time. The house is already collateral for the first shopping spree. What did he spend this on? himself. I thought my debt was the household debt, cus I bought all the food, household stuff, clothes, dinners out.
I tell him it's over. I can't trust him, never could, but now I am done. "Stay in Charlotte. I'll keep the house." ohhh soo many emails. promising me his devotion and how he'll change and that he will never spend another dime and I will be in control and I can run everything the way I want to. Just let him try again.
Under the terms that he would go if things didn't change by Labor day weekend, he moved home in July.
So here I am. Crying just like I always have. hurting. I feel like I am sleeping with the enemy. He doesnt stay AS long at work. only 9 or ten hours rather than the 12-14 he used to just to be away from me. he hasnt charged anything on his secret credit cards, but he never closed them like I asked. I have no control over his finances. He gets angry with me when I get emotional. We are intimate a lot more than we used to be. went from once every 2-3 months to once a week.
I told him friday I dont see things going well. I told him it kills me, but I want to find someone who will be devoted to me like I am to him. I reluctantly told him I joined an online support group, he kinda scoffed. I am trying to make him see that I have been suffring. That this is more than just a girl whining. Like everytime he just tells me he'll change and do better.
So I guess I am scared to leave. I love him but I need to feel love. His first big mistake came only 2 months after we had been married. He took a 17yr-old on a date to the movies. Since then things have been like a rollercoaster. I didn't marry to divorce. I want to give him chance after chance but I am really starting to pay emotionally. technically he hasn't done anything wrong since he came back, but he hasn't really shown me anything new. He isnt even exactly attracted to me. I asked him if he thought I was hot he said "you're cute" and watched TV. Why is he with me? All he talks about is how much he loved Charlotte and his job there. i tell him to go back. We can split amicably and he can just go back. It seems like it would be easier than me having to pack up and go again. Does it seem like he really wants to change? Should I just be stronger and walk out? Am I reading his actions wrong?
The thing that erks me is that when I asked him yesterday if he even thought about what I said on Friday he acts like a kid getting scolded by Mom. He says "yes" all huffy and irritated and then watches tv, completely clamming up. He wont talk. We will finally have insurance again next week and can go back to counseling. But I dont wanna spend my life in counseling. I dont wanna be the kind of wife who is afraid to talk about how she feels cus her husband doesnt wanna hear it. Any thoughts?
Sorry it got so long. :)
As for soul searching. Any advice on where to start. cus mine feels pretty empty.