Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I moved out in October. After months of trying to make our marriage work or so I thought, he was just telling me what I wanted to hear so I would move back in, he called me last Friday to tell me we should go forward with divorce. I have been nonstop crying, bursting into tears and so depressed. I know it's the best but it hurts so bad, he said that because we both have issues were not willing to budge on it's the best. Today was the first day that I felt a little like I wasn't about to burst into tears at any moment, until he just called. He wanted to know how I am, how I'm feeling and if he could call me and if I still wanted to go forward with the divorce. And how he's talked to several people(he was always talking to people, random people, anybody about us and our marriage) and they all say that we are just two different people and that we need to go ahead with the divorce. He even asked if we could still be friends and he told me I could call him whenever I wanted. Is he kidding me I don't get it! Now I'm back to nonstop crying and I even dread having to be there when we have to sign the papers together. I don't know how I can handle it. How can he act this way I feel like maybe never really loved me.
You can do this and you will come out on top!
You can't be friends with him, and it's dumb he asked.
.....yet, he cheated. Yet, he continued cheating while we were separated. Yet, he didn't put up a lick of a fight for our marriage..
...and you want to be friends?
Uh uh. Friends are people I hang out with, i WANT to be around, i want to get a coffee with, or talk on the phone, or see a movie.
Nope, he's not my friend. He's my son's father...a coparent. Period.
Get the divorce and move on. If you have kids you will have to have just enough of a friendship for their sake. Other wise HELL NO! the best way to get over some one is to never see them again.
Hah! Friends don't bend you over like the ex does..... My ex said the same thing. Be his friend....he'll no!
He argued that the lawyer could explain..I didnt need anything explained. Well, the lawyer has a notary..blah blah blah. I told him. If you want me to sign it, you have the lawyer MAIL me the papers. And do NOT mail them certified because I am NOT going to the post office. Period.
And that's what happened. Yes I cried. But he was not there to see me cry. Dont let him dictate terms.
I pick my friends because there's something i admire or relate to. My ex? No so much
If you want to, explain to him that per his request, you gave him time to see if he wanted to work out the marriage. Now per your request, you need that equal time that you gave him THEN HANG UP AND REFUSE TO TALK TO HIM AGAIN UNTIL THE TIME IS UP (except DON'T TELL HIM THIS, you're not seeing if the marriage is going to work, but you're going to start pulling yourself together.) Then don't talk to him for the amount of time it took for him for you to separate and then tell you he wanted a divorce..
He wants a divorce because he has probably found someone else, but doesn't want to tell you that. Because you gave him time, you want that equal time AND YOU WILL CONFUSE HIM. But it will give you time to pull yourself together.
AND USE THAT TIME WISELY. Get to a therapist and keep going there. Get a free consultation with a divorce attorney so you get some idea of what you are entitled to. You're going to get yourself prepared for a divorce and go through it wisely. Divorce is a legal contract that you either reach together or that a judge will decide for you. That's why you want to pull yourself together so you can decide wisely.
Friends don't abandon you; friends do leave you crying. He wants friendship to alleviate his guilt. Please consider getting into counseling to help you through the emotional turmoil of divorce. It really did help me.
Hugs!