I think it is natural for someone to feel happy about seeing a person who hurt them, feel hurt themselves. The sad reality, though, is that eventually, if he doesn't stop drinking, your daughter will no longer have a father. It would be better if he came to the realization of what he lost while sober, rather than drunk.

I am sorry for your pain - but I can't for the life of me understand why this situation would make anyone happy...

I just roll my eyes anymore. My ex was at a party a couple of months ago where he was picking fights with 20 somethings. He's almost 50. Then he was so drunk he had to walk home. But that wasn't the end of it, he did something so shocking that if I were to post it on here I'd have so many people come down on me. I didn't do anything this was all his own doing.

Ah Rose. Having been married to an alcoholic who fell to the gutter, I do understand this so much. Rman is right though. Your daughter may have lost respect but she still loves him, and if is drinking that heavily and she knows itt, she is also worried.

True story: My niece was 13 years old when she got so tired of her dad being drunk that she got into an argument with him and told him that she refused to 'deal with him' until he sobered up. He passed on about eight months later. He passed out drunk, head a heart attack and choked to death. She hadn't talked to him since that argument. She is now 16, but feels very guilty for her choice, And I admit it seemed like a good choice but he is gone and she lives with the guilt. No child should have to go through that.

I know it is hard but no matter how bad it gets, encourage your kid to keep communication with her dad and try not to let it too obvious that you find satisfaction in his drunkeness. Eventually you will find even ground again, but for the sake of your daughter, just try to stay positive about her father and their relationship. Hopefully, he will find the strength to quit again, for good. Peace and blessings to you.

Drunk dads suck no matter what your age is. Being happy they're in the gutter or holding onto hate for a drunk isn't really 'fair' either. I love my dad, I know he's never NOT gonna be a drunk, I know I don't wanna spend any more time, waiting for him to fix himself; and I probably won't see him (purposely, anyway) again. But I won't hold onto the hate anymore. Don't let your daughter hate him for being a drunk or because of shitty things he's done to you. She is his daughter and she has to understand HIS problem & know it's HIS problem, worry about him, but not be happy for his misery.

There are many reasons that my daughter lost respect for her father and it started when he was still at home. He is a very nasty person and the things that would come out of his mouth no father should say to their kid even when mad. He preferred talking and text his women then be with them and they both knew it. Now he never calls them. He had to pick my son up from his lesson yesterday because I was with my daughter and he asked him if he was going to have dinner, my son said I guess I can find something at home. Do you think his father offered to get him something or even cook him something no he said nothing. My son tells his friends when they ask him if he misses his dad he tells them no, the house does not seem any different. This is because he was always in our bedroom doing his activities or just watching TV by himself. He never wanted to be bothered with us especially towards the end when his actives consumed him.
And of cause its true it is a sad thing that he started drinking again but what I meant was that his life is not all that happy he left me before I kicked him out he left me emotionally years before. He choose his women over me by not stopping and it just makes me feel better that maybe he realizes that I should have been worth fighting for that maybe he did lose something important.
He is the only one that can change the kids attitude, but he does not think he is doing anything wrong so why would he change.

Alcoholism is just sad, period. I'm sorry you and your family had to go through that pain, rose77 and everyone who has been affected by an alcoholic. It's just fucking sad that this disease can ruin what is most important in life.

I hate to break it to you, but just because you're apart doesn't mean you're off the hook. Dad's behavior will rub off on the kids. Unfortunately, it's still up to you, as the higher-functioning parent, to make him watch his behavior

Are the kids in any sort of counseling? Maybe Alanon? AA (& such) gets kinda "religious" sometimes, depends on your views, of course. Just to learn to deal with him and how they feel about him.

Rose, he wasn't the only one who blew it. You blew it too. And, now look at the misery.

What a shame.

yup..... ex's...... i don't get it *rolls eyes*...... why do they have to do the whole drunken thing all the time? my ex has been getting wasted since we broke up, too. he moved to an apartment that's right across the street from a bar! then he just drinks all the time and picks fights with everyone that lives around him!

losers.....

i try to convince him to stop his self destructive behavior, though. but we don't have any kids. for the sake of your daughter, maybe you should tell him to seek help , too!

my ex was not drinking during the marriage. His behavior was nasty because of his personality. They never saw him drunk and because of that never had to live with that behavior. My daughter was a year old the last time he came home drunk and I left him it was not a good night that led up to me telling him to leave. When he started with the addiction to the computer and all the sex sites and the women it progressed and got worse over a 10 year period of time. As they got older they saw more and more of that. He even talked to his women in front of them my daughter told me after he left that first due to the women that she thought he was having an affair and mentioned it to her friend. He would rather converse or text these women then talk to the kids even when he was driving them around. Also not even when he doesnt even see them that much he pays attention to his phone and does not talk to the kids. Believe it or not my daughter almost moved out the last time I took him back she actually wanted him out way before that for how he treated her and like I said it has nothing to do with his drinking he was not doing that at the time. He started drinking when he was out of the house the time before I kicked him out for good. He was not drinking in the house he just told me he had a beer when he was away with his friend, and let me tell you it was not with who he said he was going with. I have no idea why he told me maybe because at that point that was really better then what he was doing with the women. The kids behavior towards their father is just a reaction to how he behaviors toward them. I have done the whole, he is your father he really loves you no matter what thing to them and all I get is looks of disgust from my daughter and a yeah right from my son. I cannot change him I tried for 10 years I am tired. And let me clear something up I am not happy he is drinking again I was just giving myself a moment of he is not as happy as I thought he is. I thought I was the only one that was hurting that I meant nothing, this just made me feel a little bit like maybe he is missing me maybe he does realize he screwed up. Im not say that is what he is thinking because it could be ya hoo I can now drink and do what I want as much as I want, but I just liked that thought for the moment.

I agree Rman..I felt immediately sad after reading this post. I realize he hurt you but one...he is still your child's father and two...he is a human being. No one deserves to struggle like that. Hopefully he can pick himself up.

oh... I'm assuming the "kids" are actually older. Wellp, looks like he's on his own.

Im not to the point where I want my STBX to be happy, I want her to be miserable and miss me terribly but I never want to picture her drunk drooling on the floor or my child losing respect for her. Alcoholism is a sad condition and I wish you, him and your kids luck.