Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My stbx told me yesterday that he was moving away as soon as he found a job. I know this is what I wanted, but it still hurts like hell. He's already moved on with someone else and I don't understand how I could be replaced so quickly. After 12 years of marriage and trying to make things work, it was my choice to end the marriage. We had grown apart and couldn't give each other what we needed. I needed time to think about things, but he wouldn't give it to me. Constant texting, visiting, calling, I finally told him it was done, figuring once he moved out I could think. He moved out and within two weeks was sleeping with someone. That lasted three weeks and he hooked up with someone else and is now moving to live with her. I go from feeling great about things to crying when I think of how things used to be. I know I'll be a mess when he does move, and again when the divorce gets started. This is what I wanted, why is it bothering me so much?
The important thing to remember, though, is that he hasn't moved on. No one really moves on from a 12 year marriage in a couple of weeks. He's hurting, and he's trying to avoid grieving this relationship by throwing himself into a new one. Being dumped can be a big hit to someone's self esteem and self worth (even if it's for the best), and some people try to lessen that blow by finding validation from someone new. It often doesn't work - which is why that first "relationship" didn't make it more than a few weeks. I wouldn't guess that this next one goes well, either.
This is going to be his journey, though, and as painful as it is to think about, it's not a journey you should be a direct spectator for. Limit your contact outside of the necessary logistics and divorce-related communications. As terrible as it might feel to know he'll be moving away from you, you both need space and time to heal from this, and you'll likely find it better to be able to control your contact with him than it would be to chance accidental run-ins or seeing him around town. Don't subject yourself to something that's going to be painful no matter what - instead, focus on what you need right now to get through this. And don't be too hard on yourself - maybe you "wanted" this, but you still need to grieve and process everything. You get to feel miserable, too.