Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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He's gone

KC1
KC1

My husband of 16 yrs left a week ago tonight. We talked seriously about divorce for the last 3 months and neither one of us was sure of what we wanted, but we knew we could not remain in this limbo zone either. I suggested we give it ~6 months more to fully dedicate ourselves to eachother, go to counseling, and if we still feel the same, we could at least say we gave it one last shot. He declined and left. This last week, he's told me that he loves me, misses me, and is telling me about how uncomfortable his current living situation is. I can't chitchat like his buddy. My heart is breaking and what's left of it is crumbling everytime I see my kids. When does this get better????

Decom
Decom
After six weeks, I am finally starting to realize that it doesn’t start getting better until you accept the new situation you’re in and start trying to heal yourself and, eventually transform yourself into a better, more complete and more independent person. That is most certainly no easy task. But dwelling on your past relationship with him is fruitless and not productive. If you still want to get back together sometime in the future, a stronger, more capable you will be in a better position to make the relationship stronger. Clearly things in your life together needed some work. It’s extremely unlikely you’d be able to work out the issues if you both remain static. Control what you have control over.
sjs777
sjs777
it takes forcing yourself to move forward. seek support, try new activities, do something you've always wanted to do, take a course, try a new hobby, focus on your career or simply get out in the world. stay strong!

i will also say that wishing change and making change are worlds apart. wishful thinking causes us to become lost in our thoughts especially when we think of far too many things at once. force a change in tasks when you find yourself thinking of too many things at once.

things we can do which force us not to think of anything else... singing, reading, dancing, laughing, enjoying time with friends or family...
WisingUp
WisingUp
This is great advice. Is it possible he's upset because of the stress/discomfort of living on his own? There was a quote on another board about how you should be someone's priority, not just their "option." So hang tough, take care of yourself and grow as a person, and then maybe it will be clearer whether you're a priority or an option for him. Also, this works from your direction as well: were you were ambivalent before? If so, why, and what needs to change for you to be less ambivalent about the relationship yourself?