Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
whenever my husband of 21 years doesn't get what he wants he asks for a divorce. he is very immature this way. I have far more reasons to want a divorce and he does. I am by far perfect but I handle everything around here he does next to nothing. I mean we both work but then we come home and there's the running of our home which he does not partake in at all. I have to do everything from mowing the lawn dishes laundry, bills, all of it. I'm fed up but I still try to work things out and don't ask for a divorce every time I don't get my way which is everyday. my husband is a recovering alcoholic and drug addicts we have recently found ourselves with an empty nest. So many changes. he is very unhappy and has decided I am the reason for all of his unhappiness. like a typical immature person he relies on somebody else or his happiness which of course never works. So what now? neither of us are in a financial position to live separately. he wants nothing to do with me won't go anywhere with me won't do anything with me won't participate in our lives and seems very jealous and resentful if I do anything that makes me happy.yet he does not hesitate to ask me for what he wants and when I say no he said that we should just get a divorce like he's using that to threaten me. The ironic thing is this man cannot survive on his own very well. the few times I have tried to leave because I've had it he's gone into a panic begging me to stay. I'm independent and do fine on my own lord knows I've had enough practice since he is a silent partner in our relationship. Sorry for the rant. What would you do if you were me?
I was you! He threatened divorce all the time. I thought I was the worst wife ever. I tried harder and harder. I thought there was something horribly wrong w/me. He wasn't happy & deep down I wasn't happy. But I took my vows seriously and continued over decades to "fix" myself. Of course, it didn't help.
What I now know is that when someone continues to threaten divorce over that period of time, it can be considered abusive. It's a manipulation w/the probable intent of inducing fear and shifting the abuser's responsibility and accountability on to their "source/target."
"he is very unhappy and has decided I am the reason for all of his unhappiness."
No one can make another person happy. Each of us and only each of us is responsible for our own happiness.
He is trying to isolate you by inviting you to feel guilty if you do something enjoy. That is certainly not love.
What I did was wait way too long and allow him to continue to be covertly and passive aggressively abusive. I tried having a serious talk w/him - probably thousands of serious talks - to no avail. I tried dragging him to multiple therapists over the years, only to watch him manipulate the therapists AND me into believing it was me or that nothing was really wrong.
Staying w/a person like this causes much emotional, mental, physical and spiritual damage.
I was terrified to leave because I knew I would up w/less than half the income we had together. But I did it anyway to save my sanity and my life.
I now live in a house 1/3 the size of the marital home. I have less than 1/2 the income, but I am making it. It took several years of intense therapy for me to heal. I'm still not done healing, but am so much better. And I am much happier. I have a full life, doing things I never could or would do when I was marriage. I have friends and I'm active in the community. I know I made the right decision for me.
~healing hugs~
PS, after all the years of his threatening divorce, I think he is still in shock that I filed filed and followed thru.
You think he would not survive a divorce but you can.
The thing is, is that you both will survive it--wounded emotionally and financially--but you will survive it.
Consult with an attorney to find out your options.
Then follow through. It doesn't seem like there is much love left between the two of you.