Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I am new here, hello everyone.
Me an my SO have been on and off for about 1 year and a half. He called me one day at my work anon, until I couldn't handle not knowing who he was anymore, than he finally told me who he was. Then we started on our rollercoaster relationship.
About 6 mos into our relationship he started cheating on me with my daughters friend. He ended it, and came back to me, this is where our relationship get rocky. almost a yr in august will be the anniversary of me finding out about them. So I have had a hard time forgiving him for his cheating.
He is at his mom's now, we are talking things over, because I was the one who made him leave, because it's my house we are living in. He tried not taking my calls but i was trying to get things all straightened out for our belongings, but in the end I end up buckling and he came over and we end up back together.
We get into so many heated arguments. I am so tired of arguing with him. We argue over stupid things, combing hair, sleep, money, kids, it all is little tiny things that we argue over.
On top of that my trust for him is almost nil. because he cheated. But I am working on accepting that it happened and letting it go. At the same time it is still in the back of my mind.
I guess the bottom line is I love him, but don't really know if we can make this work or not. ugh!
stay together, leave, live apart, together, what to do? it's all so confusing, I guess what I am here for is because I want to figure out what I want? to leave him, or stay together?
The reason he is at his mom's is because he called my work and talked to one of my co workers if I was cheating on him or flirting at work. Because I was acting funny at home? So I kicked him out.
Most people say when a person accuses you it usually means that person is cheating? true all the time, or can he just be insecure? I am trully scared of STD's.
It all points to me leaving, but I am just so in love with him, I hate being so weak and vulnerable.
Me an my SO have been on and off for about 1 year and a half. He called me one day at my work anon, until I couldn't handle not knowing who he was anymore, than he finally told me who he was. Then we started on our rollercoaster relationship.
About 6 mos into our relationship he started cheating on me with my daughters friend. He ended it, and came back to me, this is where our relationship get rocky. almost a yr in august will be the anniversary of me finding out about them. So I have had a hard time forgiving him for his cheating.
He is at his mom's now, we are talking things over, because I was the one who made him leave, because it's my house we are living in. He tried not taking my calls but i was trying to get things all straightened out for our belongings, but in the end I end up buckling and he came over and we end up back together.
We get into so many heated arguments. I am so tired of arguing with him. We argue over stupid things, combing hair, sleep, money, kids, it all is little tiny things that we argue over.
On top of that my trust for him is almost nil. because he cheated. But I am working on accepting that it happened and letting it go. At the same time it is still in the back of my mind.
I guess the bottom line is I love him, but don't really know if we can make this work or not. ugh!
stay together, leave, live apart, together, what to do? it's all so confusing, I guess what I am here for is because I want to figure out what I want? to leave him, or stay together?
The reason he is at his mom's is because he called my work and talked to one of my co workers if I was cheating on him or flirting at work. Because I was acting funny at home? So I kicked him out.
Most people say when a person accuses you it usually means that person is cheating? true all the time, or can he just be insecure? I am trully scared of STD's.
It all points to me leaving, but I am just so in love with him, I hate being so weak and vulnerable.
As for the situation, well... it seems the cheating is the paramount issue that is yet to be resolved in your mind. Because of this, small insignificant arguments will surface which blow up into full arguments about nothing and everything. I'm not saying you are starting the arguments, but when there's a major issue like this at the core that is unresolved there will always be an elephant in the room.... always.
I can't believe he called your work, that takes a ton of nerve. That's your place of work and he should never have crossed that line. If he's thinking you are doing something, it's because he has guilt over what he did last year or what he's doing again now. It's just human nature to accuse others of your own downfalls that they can't face themselves.
Ask yourself why you took him back the first time. And what is going to be different now. Sure, maybe he'll never cheat again... but he did it once....do you really want him back? Can the love you feel for him supercede the hurt from the cheating?
I'm sorry you are finding yourself in this situation a year later. You are stronger than you think you are and we are all weak at times, human nature. I hate the vulnerability. I wish I could put up a wall, stop the emotions from hurting me so. I envy people sometimes that can do that. But then I think, I'll take vulnerability anyday over feeling shutdown and obvlivious to my feelings and emotions.
Think about how you want to spend your time/your life: arguing with someone and constant distrust? Love is awesome, it just isnt enough sometimes and this is what I'm facing too.
Peace be with you.
My point is this. If you can;t get past the resentment.... but you love him, set him free. Better now than later. Tell him to to work on him. And if he does that...alone and is able to prove it (therapy, journals, able to give you examples of progess) there might be a chance in the future. Like years.
It's either that...or you two need to become a united front. All the walls that you two built between you need to come down and you build those walls around the two of you.
the in-between limbo land is no place for a couple to reside as I have for two years.
He is still yet at his mom's house, I haven't asked him back, but we are calling each other on a daily basis, and we are taking whatever happens slow. We planning a get together to go out to the woods and do some soul searching out there this Sunday. He has a place out there that he prays. So we are going out there together to pray and seek some answers. I can't wait, I love going to the woods. It's in the mutton mts here on the rez where I live.
So prayers out to him and I as we seek answers for both of us, together/apart.
I feel like there is some relationships that he needs to work on at home,and I need to work on myself also before we move forward. I have been getting some confirmation, both here on DS, and from people around me. Thank you all.
My advice, for what its worth, would be to keep him out of your life before you waste more of your time.
I have to figure out what I really want out of this relationship. The idea of love is really not an idea, it requires work from both parts.